I said I wouldn't get personal in this blog, I know. But, for me the art of prose, goes hand in hand with life. Without life, there are no stories. Without life, there is nothing to write about.
Today's topic, is sexual orientation and the stigmas that come with being a member of the GLBT community.
Some of my few readers may already know I am a bisexual. I have been out of the closet for six years. I had first begun to guess I was different around the age of twelve, when I began to feel an overwhelming curiosity to kiss girls. But the signs had been appearing years before that. I had my first crush on a woman around the age of eight, something that had come more naturally than the first crush I had on a boy my age, which I had only had because I decided it was high time to get a crush.
So, at twelve I began to ponder whether or not I liked both genders. I knew I liked boys, I had crushes and had already dated a little bit. But the prospect of being bisexual frightened me at first. I was afraid of "not being normal", by which I mean, not being like the rest of society. It was already hard enough for me to fit in, and to be a bisexual in a small-town community that used the word "fag" with sickening casualness, brought only anxiety. In addition, I had already been fighting lesbian rumors for a long time. In Moriah Central School, I had been accused of being a lesbian, just because I had hugged a female friend, because I had cheerfully grasped her hand. So, in a small-minded ignorant place like Moriah, people assumed I was gay and gave me hell for it. So you can understand why I didn't want to be bisexual.
By fourteen, I realized I was indeed bisexual, there was not a damn thing to do about it and I might as well embrace it. There was some initial shame and fear in coming out, and while some people accepted it, there would always be someone who was highly uncomfortable with my orientation.
But for me, there is something worse than the outright hatred. The stereotyping. Bisexuals, have this stereotype of being sexually promiscuous and indecisive. They're not accepted by the straight people, and sometimes, the gays and lesbians won't accept them either. It's like we're considered traitors. I've never gotten that kind of treatment, but I know it happens.
Then there are those that give bisexuals a bad name. The ones who are only bi for attention, are one example. Girls who know that men get turned on by "girl-on-girl" action, will often make out or perform some other sexual act with another female solely for the purpose of attracting attention. Not only is it degrading and tasteless to use sexuality to attract attention, but it gives bisexual and lesbian women a bad reputation. People start to think that we're only doing it for attention and that we don't have genuine feelings for other women.
Then, there are the imbeciles who think that to be bisexual, is to be an oversexed pervert. That bisexuals will fuck anyone and anything within reach and are always horny all the time. I come across these particular idiots on a website known as Stardoll. These sickos come on the site demanding anonymous cyber sex from other users, claiming to be "BI AND HORNY OH BABY".
Now, on Stardoll there is a big homophobic sentiment, particularly towards lesbians and bisexual girls. These ignorant haters squawk ceaselessly about all the perverted bis infecting stardoll. But it's not ALL of us and I doubt the people doing it are actually bi. They're probably just attention whores. Stardoll has become a veritable snake pit, at times worse than the internet forum known lovingly as 4-Chan. To be honest, I'd rather go on 4-Chan and claim to be a furry, than deal with Stardoll's High School Confidential Agenda.
But Stardoll, is another story and one I would rather not discuss. Today, let's talk about sexuality.
Another pet peeve of mine? When people use the word "gay" to describe something they don't like. I hate how in this country homosexuality has become a curse. Gays are only OK when they're decorating your house, or making over your husband right? We're only OK when we put on some fucking masks and adhere to stereotypes. Yet these same stereotypes that entertain you, disgust you. It's alright for us to design your clothes, but as soon as we ask to get married or adopt children, we're abominations.
Then there is the sexism. Gay men, are generally more accepted than gay women. Ever notice that? All the stereotypes show gay men as these cheerful, fashionable little dandies, who are just adored by Hollywood and surrounded by all of society's best. But gay women are shown as undesirable, man-hating feminazis or as unrealistically hot porn stars who are only licking another woman's vulva because it garners her money and attention. Fuck that. Fuck those ridiculous stereotypes.
America still does not treat the GLBTQ community with dignity and frankly, it's making me awfully nauseous.
I'm bisexual and proud of it. There is no denying or changing that part of me. While it's not one of those things that will matter in the end, it is something I can not be ashamed of or hide from the world. But, it is not all of me. I am more than my sexuality. As proud as I am of it, I do not want it to be the focus. I'd rather let the world focus on my writing, or my powwow dancing, than on what I do in the bedroom. But of course, in this ridiculous society of ours, it will be an issue. I could cure cancer, and all someone would think about me is that I get turned on by girls as well as boys. I suppose society is just like a piece of bread trying to stop a rolling tank. You just can't win.
No comments:
Post a Comment