Saturday Part 6

Let's get on with it....

Part 6: Battle Weary
The very last ride I remember going on that day was the Desperado Plunge, the log flume which appears so frequently in my other memoirs.
The line wasn't long, and we got seated in our little barrel shaped boat very quickly. I sat in the front, my Uncle Russ in the back. I was a bit apprehensive about sitting where I was, because I don't like to get soaked when I'm not in a bathing suit, but I figured it would be alright this time.
For the most part, it was. The ride went as it usually does, starting out slow, then rushing over white water rapids, before going through that creepy building full of dummies.
Then the best part, down the steep drop we plunged, my arms in the air. The camera snapped our picture, and we hit the bottom with a splash.
The boat was floating back into the station when it jerked to the side suddenly, why I do not know. I lost my balance, and slammed into the side of the little boat, my elbow making painful contact with one of the screws on the handlebar.
That was my second injury of the day, including the vicious wedgie I had endured in Splashwater Kingdom.
We left the ride, me nursing my injured arm. A large bump had risen on my elbow, with a little bloody scrape right in its center. My uncle noticed, and thought it was a puncture wound. I assured him it was not, and we did not have to visit the infirmary.

It was time to go. We'd ridden all that we could, and now had to meet my mom in Schroon Lake. So we trekked back to the lockers, collected my things, and made ready to leave the park.
I was sore. Between the wedgie, the arm injury, the sunburn, and walking around all day, I was pretty battle weary. I had a headache from riding too many roller coasters. But I regretted leaving early. When I go to amusement parks, I like to stay until closing. But we had to do, what we had to do, and so we left.
We stopped at McDonald's, where my uncle offered to buy me something to eat. I was starving. I had been too excited to eat when we were in the park, but now, I just couldn't pass up a hot meal. I ordered a double quarter pounder with cheese value meal, and my uncle and I sat down to eat. While we ate, we talked, and I collected brochures for tourist attractions, that I thought looked interesting.
Then we went to find Aunt Jenny's cabin.

We drove through the Adirondacks, and I spent the trip admiring signs for restaurants and campgrounds. We drove past a very large Christian campground. It made me think of those weird Mormon compounds out west. I made some comments about the place, and wondered how interesting it would be to infiltrate one of these Christian "family-friendly" camps.
We got lost. That's how we ending up constantly driving past the Christian campground, and it's horse stables. Eventually, we made it to my Aunt's rented cabin. It was small, and charming, surrounded by forest, with a view of the lake.
My mother and sister were there, along with my Grandma, my Aunt Jenny and Uncle Ben. My Uncle Russ and I shared the highlights of our day, my wedgie, making Uncle Russ high-five Sasquatch, the rides. I discovered I had a nice little sunburn on my nose and cheeks.
After passing the time pleasantly enough with my relations, my mother decided it was high time to get back on the road. Katie's friend Chad had a place for us to stay that night, in Saranac Lake, and we had to get there before it was too late.

I spent a large chunk of the journey from Schroon Lake to Saranac Lake, dozing. I was exhausted, from running around with my Uncle all day. After a little while, my sister suggested we go and get something to eat.
We stopped at a little diner with a nice rustic Adirondack theme. A lot of restaurants, shops, and motels in this area really like to play up the wild 'untouched' quality of the Adirondack Mountains. This is for the tourists, mainly. For years the Adirondacks has been a vacation spot for Americans. When people think of these mountains, they picture fishing in clear rivers, pine trees, cabins, moose. And while not all of this part of New York is a picture of tranquil wilderness, the places that cater to tourists tend to play up this pretty image.
We sat down at a booth, and flipped through the menus. We all ended up ordering the same thing. A hot turkey sandwich, open-faced. The kind you need to eat with a fork. If I remember correctly, it came with stuffing. I think we may have had soup or salad, too. It was pretty good, but I couldn't eat all of it. After we finished, my sister bought us some home-baked chocolate chip cookies (this place also functioned as a bakery, general store and information center. You'll find a lot of places like this in upstate NY and VT). Then we got back in the car and continued on.

We drove through the Adirondacks. Despite the darkness, I saw a lot of familiar sights. I used to live in this part of NY, and would drive up to Lake Placid with my mother, where she used to work for a mental health agency as a peer specialist. We drove past some lakes that are said to be bottomless. I remembered being frightened of them when I was fourteen.
We drove through Lake Placid, and I was assaulted by memories. Going there with Families First Girls Group (not a pleasant memory). Swimming in the lake with my sister. Walking around downtown as a teenager, while my mother worked. Buying chocolate covered expresso beans, and books. The gas station we stopped at when I was coming down with the flu. We drove past the fancy restaurant named Goldberry's and I remembered how badly I wanted to go there. The town was lovely, lit up the way it was.
Soon enough we were entering Saranac Lake. I may have been dozing, when I heard my sister and mother exclaim with surprise. They had seen something that looked like a wolf, dart in front of the car. A wolf? In Saranac Lake? Maybe it was a dog. Or a coyote. I don't know. I never saw it. But the thought of a wolf running around made me uneasy. I don't like driving in the Adirondacks at night as it is, there's something slightly unsettling and sinister in the darkness of the mountains and the trees.

Finally we made it to Chad's. One of Katie's friends for years, it was the first time I'd ever met him, and her friend Chelsea. He owned a house, and adjacent to that house, an apartment building. It was in one of those vacant apartments where we would be sleeping for the night on air mattresses. After showing us around his house, he helped us carry our things to the little apartment. It was a cute little place, and I wondered what it would be like to live there. I pictured what I would put where. What room would be the living room? Where would I have an office? I've always wanted an office. My dad had one, and my mother had a studio, when I was growing up.
Once we were somewhat settled, my mother and I went to the nearest corner store to get some cold drinks, as it was very hot that evening. I remember getting green tea with honey.
When we got back, Katie had decided to spend the night with her friends. Mom set up the air mattresses (I think I may have tried to help), and we got comfortable for the evening. I lay on the mattress in the big main room, reading about Henry VIII and his six wives. I was falling asleep, as I learned about the negotiations for the marriage of Katherine of Aragon and Arthur, Prince of Wales. I was very very exhausted, but I wanted so desperately to read.

But finally, I couldn't fight it any longer and put the book down. I slept on an air mattress in the little room I envisioned as an office. I can't remember why I had moved to that mattress. I think the other one had deflated.
I slept deeply, exhausted from my long day. I only woke up once, and that was when I had rolled over and hit my head on the low windowsill. I lay there, muttering to my mom that I mustn't, mustn't fall asleep, as I probably had a concussion, but she reassured me that I was fine (though I felt as though I had cracked my skull) and so I drifted back to sleep, albeit reluctantly.
Saturday was over, and tomorrow, would be the main event, the entire purpose of our adventure. The vow renewal.

So ends, Book 2: Saturday.

Saturday Part 5

Sorry part 4 was ridiculously long. I always add too many details. *sighs* Maybe I can finish this now that I've had a break.


Part 5: Life's Simple Joys
My Uncle Russ and I took the walk from the Mega Wedgie, to the lawn chairs where we had left our towels and drink cups. It should have been a fairly quick stroll, but as we were walking over a little bridge, we ended up behind some fat rednecks who were moving slower than snails. I could see our stuff from where we were, and had the irrational paranoia that someone would steal our belongings within my line of sight, and I wouldn't be unable to do anything, all because some lardy asshats couldn't be buggered to ambulate a little more briskly. My fears went unfounded.
After we collected our things, my uncle and I walked back to our locker so we could change out of our soggy bathing suits and enjoy the rest of the park. First I went into the ladies' room to change, while my uncle stood by our locker. When I was finished, my uncle went to change and I waited by the locker. During this wait, my mother called me on my cell. I can't remember why she called, but I do remember that I had a lot of trouble hearing her, as the area where the rows of lockers stood was very crowded. She wanted to talk to my uncle. When my uncle stepped out of the men's room, I handed him the phone. He'd call her back later.
We walked away from the changing rooms. I left my damp bathing suit and towel in the locker, so I wouldn't have to carry them around. Anyway, I paid ten bucks for that rental, I might as well get my money's worth.

I needed more coke. I got in line at a Funnel Cake Stand, to get my free refill. The wait was unbearably long, seeing as the redneck family (rednecks, it always has to be rednecks) in front of me was taking their sweet time just to order some ice cream. Precious time was being wasted, and I was about to give up, when I saw a soda refill station right behind me. A refill station! I had stood in that line for nothing! Relieved, I hurried over to the station, showed the girl behind the counter my wristband and got more soda. Ah, Coca Cola. On a hot summer day, nothing beats a cold coke with ice, it is one of life's simple joys.
Afterwards, my uncle and I were wandering along, when my mother called. She wanted to know when we'd be leaving the park and going to Schroon Lake, where she and my sister were visiting with my aunt and grandmother. As they negotiated, I stuck my plastic straw in it's little holder and tried to see if I could drink my coke that way. I could, but it was a bad idea. Since the straw was pointing down, soda began to dribble out at an alarming rate. I am such an idiot.
I pulled the straw out of it's holder and stopped the spill. Then, my uncle and I stopped at a trashcan. Lickety-split, I whipped out my wet naps, cleaned up my soda sticky hands, and wiped off the cup. I knew those things would come in handy. I'd gotten the idea to bring wet naps, after last year, when Acacia and I had made a mess of ourselves while eating funnel cake during our trip to the Great Escape. So I had gotten a large pack of Wet Ones, in little individual packages.
I never ended up getting a funnel cake that day, but those towelettes still became indispensable to me during that long weekend.

We had until five o' clock. At five, much to our chagrin, we would have to leave The Great Escape, and go to Schroon Lake. Determined to have fun, we made our way to The Comet, which is my very favorite Roller Coaster at the Great Escape.
We waited in line behind some very loud teenage girls. Well, at least one of them, an obnoxious, hulking she-walrus, was being very loud. At one point she was so loud that she hurt my ears. I made a comment about my ear drum being punctured, and she sheepishly apologized. But she still didn't shut the fuck up.
Each car holds four people, with two rows of seats. Uncle Russ and I had the ill luck of sharing a car with Yappy Lardass and her comparatively silent companion. They sat in front of us, Yappy chattering away, telling her friend that she better put both her arms up (or something equally asinine) when the roller coaster camera takes their picture, and that they were going to ride this coaster again and again until their picture was just right. I rolled my eyes.
As the ride attendants checked seatbelts and lap bars, they high fived passengers. I vaguely recall my uncle expressing distaste for this practice. I'm not sure I like it either. I understand that being cheerful is just part of their job, but sometimes it can be a bit obnoxious.
The ride was delightful, but with one exception. Yappy Lardass and her friend were ridiculously obnoxious, squealing and squawking like retarded seagulls. At one point, one of their ponytails whacked me (though that wasn't their fault). I was sorely tempted to pull Yappy's hair in retaliation for her dumbassery.
But despite this, I enjoyed the steep hills, the intense speed, the sharp turns. When the ride was over, Yappy was still squawking about riding the Comet again, so she and her chum could get their picture just right. But fate intervened, for as we disembarked, we were informed that The Comet was having mechanical problems and was being closed down until further notice. Cruel irony! I took some sadistic joy in knowing Yappy Lardass' plans were foiled.
But the walrus had the last laugh, for when my Uncle and I went to view our roller coaster picture I was dismayed to find that my entire face had been obscured by Yappy's fleshy white arm! The skank! I dearly love seeing the expressions I make on rides (ah, I am so vain, I know) and I was disappointed and irritated. But there was no point in dwelling upon it, so my uncle and I set off to do something else.

Next, we rode The Pirate Ship. It's one of my favorites, but I remember very little of this ride. I don't think we got one of those prime back-row seats, but I still had a fine time. I always enjoy riding one of these, despite being very afraid of them as a young girl.
My memory gets very hazy right about now. I know we rode The Sasquatch a few times. At one point on the Launch Tower, I noticed the Velcro strap of my sneaker had come undone. When I was younger, this would have made me panic. But now I merely laughed, and lifted my foot up to fix, while I was 192 feet in the air! I also remember marveling over the view from the launch tower, for the sun was going down, the sky was lavender, and the moon was a gorgeous pearl in the sky. I don't remember the exactly when this happened, only how gorgeous the sky was. My memory is like that. I can't tell you where my socks are, but I can tell you how beautiful the moon was, on an early summer evening, nearly a year ago.

We also rode The Boomerang for a second time. My uncle wanted to sit in the last car, but I refused, because that car goes to the very top of the coaster. While I now enjoyed the Boomerang, I still dreaded the part of the ride where it sits still, over 50 feet in the air. As it was, I was really surprising myself by riding this coaster twice in one day. I remember thinking that 10 years ago, I wouldn't have even imagined having fun on this coaster, willingly riding it more than once. I felt impressed with myself. After my second time on the Boomerang, I noticed I'd begun to develop a headache. But I shrugged it off, and went to ride some more rides with my uncle.

Next chapter...Our adventure at the Great Escape ends, but the day still isn't over!

Saturday Part 4

Part four! Hurray I'm on a self-indulgent blogging roll!


Part 4: Disaster, Both Painful and Embarrassing
Uncle Russ and I walked to the lockers just outside of Splashwater Kingdom. Unlike the lockers inside SK, these are rented by computer. Last year, I'd had an anxiety attack when Acacia tried to rent one, because not only were the directions confusing, but also because it was a bit crowded. It was still a bit crowded at the lockers this year, but I was determined to use one, mostly because they were cheaper than the other lockers.
I rented the smallest and cheapest locker possible at ten dollars, (the directions turned out to be easier than I had initially thought) and went inside the changing rooms to wriggle into my bathing suit, while my uncle waited outside.
The changing room was loud, the screeches of small children bouncing off the tiled walls and floor. The aforementioned floor was slick with water and had shreds of soggy toilet paper scattered here and there. I selected a stall, and being careful not to drop any of my clothes, squeezed into my ribbed black one piece. Then I went back outside, feeling self conscious about my body, and shoved my things and my uncle's things into the locker, and then we set off, carrying drinks and towels.

We first decided to ride a slide called The Black Cobra. It's a long black slide with plenty of twists and turns. It looked like a blast, and I had never been on it before, so we got in line. The wait wasn't too long, and I anticipated being able to cool off. When our turn at last arrived, we sat down on the oblong tube, and at the ride operator's discretion, pushed forward and went plunging into darkness.
The ride was less pleasant than I imagined. There wasn't a lot of water, so we didn't get wet, and the inside of the enclosed slide was hot, since the black plastic absorbed the heat of the sun. But the twists, turns and drops were pretty fun, despite the discomfort.
I at least expected a splash when we hit the bottom, but there wasn't, we just skidded into a "run-off". Disappointed, we put our tube onto the conveyor belt that would carry the tube back to the top of the slide. I didn't even get wet.
After that epic fail of a water slide, we decided it would be in our best interests to ride The Tornado, a water slide so named for the funnel that you encounter while riding it.

Last year, when I rode the Tornado, there had been a fairly long line just to obtain one of the clover shaped inner tubes. This year, we did not have to wait to procure our tube, for this year, there wasn't any line at all! My uncle and I merely walked to the pile of inner tubes and selected a bright green inner tube. Then we made the long trek to the line for the water slide.
The line for the slide wasn't very long at all and soon enough it was our turn. The ride attendant helped us get onto our inner tube. To my displeasure, I found that I was facing away from the mouth of the slide. I would be traveling down that steep drop backwards. But there was nothing I could really do, and soon I found myself speeding down that drop, gripping the handles of the inner tube with all my might.
The tube shot out into the funnel, and slid up the sides. At this point, I was glad I had gone down the drop backwards, for it meant that I wouldn't be enduring the funnel upside down like my uncle was (though I don't think he minded too much). After we lost momentum, we went rushing out into the pool. It had been so much fun!

After we got out of the pool, my Uncle Russ and I decided to ride The Tornado again. So instead of depositing our inner tube, we just walked back to the end of the line.
This time, when we were being helped into the inner tube, the attendant made sure that I was facing forward. I guess she must have felt bad when I voiced my displeasure at having to sit backwards. But I viewed my new position with dread, for it meant that I would have to ride the funnel upside down...
Once more, we were sent down the drop, and sliding along the funnel. It was all very fun except for one thing. I had developed a slight wedgie. The speed of our inner tube and the rushing water made my bathing suit nestle itself betwixt my bum cheeks. It was very uncomfortable, and I couldn't wait to get off the slide and fix the accursed wardrobe malfunction.

Once we dropped into the pool, I set to work trying to fix my wedgie without anyone noticing. I'll never be sure if anyone saw my awkward attempts, and I prefer not to think about how embarrassing this situation was.
After I put things back in their place, my uncle and I returned our tube and went to find something else to do. We decided to try the trio of water slides named Twister Falls, The Banshee Plunge and The Blue Typhoon. I had never ridden any of these before, so I was very excited.
From a giant pile, we grabbed a pair of hot pink inner tubes, one for each of us. There didn't seem to be any line, so we went straight for the middle slide, The Banshee Plunge. We placed our tubes in the water at the mouth of the slide, and waited for the lifeguard to give us permission to head down the slide. When my turn came, I propelled myself forward, making sure not to go down the slide backwards.
I rushed down the slide at a terrifying speed. Then, disaster, both painful and embarrassing, struck. The force of water once again pulled my bathing suit upwards, giving me the most painful wedgie I have ever experienced in my entire life. Worse then the one I had experienced on The Tornado, it felt like as I continued down the slide the fabric of my suit was being pulled higher and higher, and there was nothing I could do about it. When I hit the receiving pool with a splash, I found myself looking around, checking to see if there was blood in the water. Yes, my wedgie was so excruciating that I was afraid it had made me bleed, or worse, do serious damage to my bum. But my imaginings were unfounded, there wasn't any blood, and my ass was still intact, if not very very sore. I got up and quickly fixed the Epic Wedgie, hoping no one would notice my shame. I met up with my uncle, and we trudged back up the hill to try another slide. It hurt to walk. My wedgie had been extreme enough that it was actually painful for me to walk. I moved slowly, unable to keep up with my uncle. I wondered if I should head to the infirmary, but was too embarrassed.
As I got ready to ride the next slide, a long green behemoth called Twister Falls, I wondered how my trauma had occurred, and how I could prevent it. The combination of the moving water and the high speed I was traveling at had caused the wedgie, that I knew, as had letting my bottom come into contact the slide. The solution was simple. When I sat in the inner tube, I should merely perch above the hole, as opposed to squeezing myself into it. That way, my ass would have no unwanted contact with the slide, and I would be less likely to suffer a wedgie.
After coming to this conclusion, I shamelessly informed the lifeguard that The Banshee Plunge induced wedgies of a painful nature. (Not in those exact words of course, I think I was much more blunt in real life.) He was not surprised and told me, that this occurred often. I wonder if anyone ever had a wedgie as painful as mine after riding this particular slide.
Twister Falls was a better slide than the last one I rode. Instead of going straight down at a horrifying speed, I experienced thrilling twists and turns which I hoped would last forever.
Naturally, it did not, and I ended up in the big receiving pool, checking myself for wedgies. Thankfully, there weren't any.
Then, I finally rode the last of The Holy Trinity of Water Slides, The Blue Lagoon. I remember very little of this slide, other than it's bright color, a loud Crayola shade of blue.

Afterwards, my Uncle Russ and I decided to go on Captain Hook's Lazy River Adventure. I love Lazy River rides. They're very relaxing and pleasant.
My uncle and I grabbed some yellow inner tubes and headed for the water. I bypassed the awkwardness of asking for help with my inner tub, by getting on it in the shallows and having some kids push me out into the current.
Unlike last year, when a lifeguard told me I could only go around the lazy river once, my uncle and I went around three times. The first time, I let my uncle get his revenge for the Sasquatch Incident by letting him shove me under the giant pipe, from which pours gallons of icy cold water.
Also during my pleasant ride down the river, I had bit of a surprise. Floating in the water, was a little body! For one frightful moment I was afraid a child had drowned, but as it turns out the lifeguards were doing a rescue drill with a small dummy. When I expressed my relief, they told me that I wasn't the first person to jump to conclusions.
All in all my triple trip down The Lazy River was pleasant, except for a moment when a group of very ill-mannered teenage girls mimicked and laughed at my squeals of displeasure as I got sprayed by a fountain. I found their teasing to be rather uncalled for, to say the least and had a few choice words for them, which out of good breeding, I kept to myself.

After our third trip, we decided we should ride The Mega Wedgie slide before the lines got too long. So we got out of the water, passed off our inner tubes to the next person and went on our way. We stopped to check on our towels and giant plastic drink cups, which we had left on deck chair, and headed towards the slide.
We grabbed one of the figure eight shaped blue inner tubes, designed for two riders. The line to this slide was longer than the other ones we'd ridden on today. I think this is because it was getting to the hottest part of the day, and more and more guests were starting to drift into Splashwater Kingdom, ready to cool off.
While waiting in line, my uncle and I were surrounded by children. Most of them were between the ages of eight and twelve, and wearing these ridiculous rubber bracelets called Silly Bandz. These things, are apparently the latest fad. They're brightly colored rubber bands, shaped like different things- animals, methods of transportation, and other random objects. They even have Harry Potter Silly Bandz. This trip to to The Great Escape was the first time I had ever seen them, and I have to say, the fascination with them quite confuses and annoys me. Maybe I'm just getting old.
Last year, when I rode the Mega Wedgie, Acacia and I had gotten stuck. This year, I dreaded a repeat of those traumatizing events, but did not voice my anxieties. We got in the inner tube, my uncle sitting in the back, myself in the front. Then, we pushed forward and went speeding down the drop, and out into the basin. This part, spinning around in that bowl, is actually quite daunting, but still very exciting. Luckily, we didn't get stuck, and only went around twice before going down another drop and shooting out into the receiving pool.
Afterwards, my uncle told me that he didn't think the slide was worth having to wait that long. There are very few water slides that are worth a long wait.
We wandered down towards The Lumberjack Splash Wave Pool and Paul Bunyan's Bucket Brigade, but the former was closed, and I neither one of us seemed very interested in the latter. I think we were sufficiently cooled off at that point, and we decided to get our things and end our soggy adventure.

Coming up, there will be thrills, chills and soda spills! Well, there won't be chills, but I need a third word to rhyme with thrills and spills.

Saturday Part 3

I've really slacked off, here's to blogging for the first time in two months!


Part 3: A Thirteen Dollar Soda
It's a little bit strange how the beginning of my 2010 trip mirrored my 2009 trip. Last year, Acacia and I had first ridden the Sasquatch, and then gotten on the Boomerang, which is just what my Uncle Russ and I were doing. It makes sense though, seeing as these two rides are closest to the park's entrance.
So Uncle Russ and I got in line for The Boomerang Coast to Coast Coaster. It was warm and a little muggy, and I was very thirsty. My Uncle and I planned the rest of our day. After this could I get a drink? Maybe we could go to Splashwater Kingdom soon?
As we got closer to the ride, (the line can be very long) we got to watch people get on and off, and watch their reactions. One teenage girl was loudly protesting having to sit in the very last car, for when it ascends, it sits at the very top of the coaster. I understood her aversion to the seat, but wished she would protest more quietly, as I found her loud "Oh hell no!'s" to be very obnoxious. Eventually she was coaxed into the car, and the ride started. When it was over, I could hear her voice above all other shouting "omigawd omigawd". I cannot pass judgment here, as I have often found myself saying some very silly things on thrill rides. Confessing my love for Harry Potter comes to mind.

Just before we were to get on the roller coaster, one of the women behind my Uncle and I collapsed. She was still conscious, but the heat was making her ill. I had noticed that she had been crouching a few minutes before she collapsed, but I hadn't thought she was sick, just tired of waiting in line. But here she was, sitting on the metal steps leading to the roller coaster, looking very faint and flushed. My uncle had turned around, and was offering her his water, as was her companion. The ride attendants put everything to a halt and called the park infirmary. During this whole scenario, I stood still and silent, not sure what to do or say. I'm very socially awkward. The Park EMTs came along, but I don't know if they took her away or not, for it seems after they arrived all the ruckus had settled down, and my uncle and I were boarding the roller coaster.
After we were secured, the ride began its ascent. This is the worst part of the ride, because it takes so long. I tried to keep from panicking, and somehow found myself engaged in conversation with my uncle, when I would normally be closing my eyes and praying fervently.
Finally, the rattling sound of the chains pulling us upwards, ended, and we sat at the top of the coaster. There was an eerie silence, a calm before the storm. And then we were rushing, rushing down hill, the wind in my face, my stomach dropping to my feet. My screams were more joy than fear.
For eleven long years, I had been terrified of this roller coaster. Then last year, in 2009, I rode the coaster with Acacia, finally conquering my fear. Now, here I was, enjoying the object of my girlhood terror with wild abandon.
We went through corkscrews and loops, and then repeated the process backwards, and still my whoops and cries remained those of excitement.

When we got off the coaster, I had hoped we would get something to drink, but instead we trekked all the way to Ghost Town so we could ride The Steamin' Demon.
The Steamin' Demon is a favorite of mine, it is a relatively short ride, but it is fast and it is very exciting. Last year I hurt my head on it, when my ears got boxed by my shoulder restraints, while going through a corkscrew.
This year, I was eager to ride the coaster, but worried about hurting my ears again. So when we went through those particular corkscrews, to avoid hitting the restraints, I craned my neck outward, like stretching a chicken's neck over a a chopping block. It strained my muscles, but at least my ears didn't get boxed!
We may have ridden the coaster a second time, though that second ride may have come later in the day. As usual, my memory is as fuzzy as a squirrel.

Afterward, we went to get some food and drink. We went back to Storytown, where my uncle ordered from the Papa Johns stand and I bought a thirteen dollar soda. Why did I pay so much for soda? Because the soda came in a special lime green collector's cup and with purchase of said cup and a special wristband, I could get free refills all day long. Any refills I got on future trips would cost me 99 cents. My uncle asked me if I was hungry, but I told him I was too excited to really eat anything, and instead opted to buy some Dippin's Dots. Unfortunately, the stand was some distance from the pizza stand, and I had to cross a small bridge to get to it. But I wanted ice cream, so I made the trek to get my chocolate ice cream pellets, which cost me five dollars and fifty cents. It was a bit of a juggle carrying my giant soda and my ice cream, but luckily the fantastical cup came with a handle, so I could loop it over my wrist like a hand bag, while I carefully carried my precious Dots back to my uncle's table. I was terrified of spilling, or having someone bump into me (people at amusement parks can often be very rude or inattentive and plow into innocent bystanders.). But my ice cream and I made it unharmed, and I sat down with my uncle, so we could enjoy our respective goodies.

I ate my delicious frozen dairy treat, despite the fact that it was quickly melting. My uncle enjoyed his pizza. He managed to get me to eat some bread sticks, which were pretty tasty.
As I ate my bread sticks, I noticed some ducks and geese lurking behind an iron fence. These ducks and geese lived along the banks of The River Dee (that delightful little body of water that runs through the amusement park), and the iron fence kept them from bothering the park guests. It's against the rules to feed them, but I ignored the little sign posted on the fence and threw pieces of bread to them. The geese and ducks ate the bits voraciously, and I hoped to god I wouldn't get caught. But I'm probably not the first nor the last person to feed these birds.

After we ate, I think we decided to ride the Steamin' Demon again. During the ride, I had a small anxiety attack and wondered if I had mislaid my wallet. This was my one and only moment of panic during this entire day (which is a record for me, I once had five anxiety attacks in one day when I went to Salem). It was difficult for me to enjoy the ride while worrying about my wallet, so I was eager for the ride to finish, so I could get off an check my purple backpack. Luckily, my wallet was right where I had left it, and while my backpack was open, I let my uncle deposit his phone and his wallet in there for safekeeping.
After our second ride on the Steamin' Demon, I am almost certain that we rode The Canyon Blaster. It's a family coaster so it's not very exciting, but we rode it anyway. I don't remember if we rode it after our first or second trip on the Steamin' Demon. I suppose it doesn't really matter does it? I always try to make these memoirs as accurate as possible, but what's the point? I'm the only one that reads these, after all.

It was hot, and we decided that it was high time to visit Splashwater Kingdom and cool off. This is what I was looking forward to, since I had enjoyed the water park so much last year. I wanted to fulfill the promise I had made to myself. The promise to ride all the slides at the Great Escape that I had never been on before. Would I be able to achieve that goal?


Coming up next...things get very soggy, and I have a traumatizing experience on a water slide.

Saturday Part 2

Now, after several weeks of delays, I present part 2!


Part 2: Orthanc and Barad-Dur
Our drive to the Great Escape was relatively uneventful. My uncle and I discussed a great many things, including my idea to eventually become an undertaker (it's a job to put bread on the embalming table, what my heart really desires is to become a writer). At one point my uncle stopped at the bank, while I waited in the car patiently.
Because my Uncle lives so close to The Great Escape, we made it to the park much quicker than Acacia and I had last year. We managed to snag a decent parking space, and made our way to the pedestrian bridge. Walking ahead of us, I noticed a young blond woman in short-shorts and cowboy boots. Amused, I pointed this out to my uncle. I was surprised that there were people who actually went out in public dressed like that. I was the exact opposite of this girl, rather butch compared to her slutty femme.

At the ticket booth, my uncle presented his season pass, and paid for my ticket. The woman at the booth told us that for no additional charge, I could get a pass that would get me six free trips. I told my uncle that such a thing wouldn't be necessary but he overrode my protests and got me the Big Six deal. It was very kind of him to do this, but I am certain I won't be able to use up all the free trips by the end of the season.
After we paid, my uncle ushered me into a special building where my Big Six pass would be made. I filled out my name, address and number on a computer, and then had my picture taken by an employee. The heavy plastic card was printed out and handed to me. I looked at my little portrait on the purple and blue rectangle; it looked like a police mugshot. Then my uncle and I set off to sample the delights of the Great Escape.

The first thing we went on was the Sasquatch, which is a pair of 192 foot tall towers that I've nicknamed Orthanc and Barad Dur. One of them launches riders to the top very suddenly and the other takes them up to the top slowly, and then drops them at an alarming speed. It's a very fun and terrifying ride.
Uncle Russ and I tried to get in line for the Drop Tower, but it was in the middle of a maintenance check, so we had to get in line for the Launch Tower.
While we waited in line, something very silly happened. An employee dressed in a Bigfoot costume came ambling along, greeting people who were waiting in line.
"I don't want to high five Sasquatch," My uncle muttered as we watched the "beast" mingle. Unfortunately, I misheard my uncle, and thought he was declaring a desire to make contact with Bigfoot, so I beckoned to it, and asked for a hug. For a moment, I was enveloped in scratchy polyester fur. Once my fuzzy embrace had ceased, I cried "Uncle Russel, give Sasquatch a high five!". And to his credit, he did do just that, despite the fact that he had not wanted to do it in the first place. When I found out that I had misunderstood him and led him into an unwanted encounter, I promised him he could have his revenge.

After Sasquatch shuffled away, Uncle Russ and I went to get on the ride. I was only mildly nervous, but since I had enjoyed it last year, I knew I would enjoy it again. So we buckled in, pulled down the shoulder restraints and waited.
The ride starts by rising at least 10 to 15 feet in the air, look down and you can see the camouflage print netting that catches things like gum, glasses, cell phones, shoes and if needed, a fallen rider. Look outwards, and depending on where you are sitting you can see the booth where the ride operators sit.
After a five or ten second countdown by the ride operator, we launched upwards, at a delightfully terrifying speed. I could hear my uncle laughing as we ascended, and I was cheering and whooping. We hit the top of the tower, and the inertia lifted us out of our seats, much to my amusement. Then we descended, bounced a few times and landed. It was all very quick, but very fun. We may have ridden the Launch Tower a second time, but I'm not entirely sure.
By the time we were done on Orthanc (the Launch Tower), The Drop Tower's maintenance was finished, so we got in line for that.
Barad-Dur, as I have named it, is a little bit scarier than Orthanc, because it takes a long time to get to the top of the tower. Then once it is at the top, all is very still before finally plummeting.
I tried to stay as calm as I could as we ascended, and took in the view. It was very breath-taking, I could see the whole park laid out before me. I saw the water slides, and some of the roller coasters. I didn't have long to gander at these sights though, for suddenly we were plunging down, cheering all the while.

We walked away from The Sasquatch, after riding both towers at least twice. I felt energized, happy. I could do anything, even ride The Boomerang, just as I had last summer, when I had faced my fear of the coaster. But this time, I'd be getting on the ride not with fear, but with joy.

Coming up...Uncle Russ and I ride the rides, and I break one of the rules.

Fox and Squirrel Pt. 11

This is the final chapter of my longest, most self-indulgent memoir. And this time, I mean it. I don't know what I'm going to blog about after this. I might start another memoir, or I might actually blog about something other than myself. Who knows? Also, I'm tired of writing this, so it might be a little bit sloppy.
Part 11: Time To Go Home
As you already know, we had chosen The Flying Trapeze to be our final ride. Since it was the end of the day, there was virtually no line. So we got on the ride much quicker than usual.
We selected our swings, and fastened all the safety restraints. While we waited for the ride to start, we swung ourselves back and forth, just like one would on a regular playground swing. I think a lot of people do this whenever they go one one of these rides.
The ride began, lifting us into the air, then us spinning around. It was pretty fast, though not as fast as the swings at Hershey Park (which are prettier as well, thanks to the art, which features Victorian women right out of Godey's Ladies Book). The view was pretty amazing though, one could see the setting sun, and The Boomerang Coaster. I could hear the kids behind us, talking about The Boomerang. Then one of them idly mentioned, that whenever they ride the swings, that they're afraid that the chains of their swing are going to snap off and send them flying to their deaths. I laughed, I have that exact same fear myself. I'm terrified that one day, I'll be riding one of these things, and the chains are just going to snap, sending me flying out to my certain doom. This is of course, very unlikely, since the chains are generally very strong, and one would have to be immensely heavy in order to make them break. You'd have to be, like 500 pounds in order for this to occur. But it's unlikely a 500 pound person would even be on one of these swings, because the seats would be unable to contain their ass, after all. Also, I think most rides have weight limits.

When the ride was over, it was time to go home. The park was closing, and crowds of people were navigating their way to the park's exit. We joined this great herd, which moved slowly, as if everyone was reluctant to leave or just too exhausted to move quickly. The latter is more logical. By park's closing, most people just want to get home, or to their hotel rooms and collapse. Amusement parks take a lot out of you.
Usually, whenever I leave an amusement park, I take a moment to muse upon its fading magic. During the day, an amusement park is loaded with magic. Its loud noises, its bright colors, the way they draw you in and enchant you. At night, when all the lights turn on and the place sparkles, there's a different kind of magic, but a magic all the same. But then, when the park closes, the fey glamor of the place wears off. The rides are still and silent, the concession stands no longer give off luscious smells. The place is going to sleep, and when it's sleeping, it can't work its magic on anyone.
But as we left, I was not musing upon these thoughts. I was just too tired, too sore and too uncomfortable to think. I just wanted to get out of this crowd, get to the car and go home. I wonder how Acacia felt. I think she was just as tired as I was, and probably not looking forward to driving all the way home.

We entered the little International Village, where, as you already know, the parks entrance and exit are located. We'd had our picture taken there that afternoon when we walked into the park, and meant to pick up the photos (supposedly they were free if we presented the ticket that the photographer given us). We never even got close to the photo kiosk though, because it was so crowded. It was as if every single park guest had rushed to that kiosk at once, and so we decided to head on home.
We exited through the gift shop, stopping to admire a few things, but since we had no money to spare, we moved on pretty quickly. After all, we really wanted to go home.

We made the long trek back to the car, our bodies sore, our legs unwilling. Up the ramp, over the bridge and into the vast parking lot. I wished we hadn't parked so far back. My bra was chafing my skin and my feet were hurting.
When finally we made it to the car, Acacia and I stripped off any garments we found uncomfortable. I whipped off my bra, for the under wire was poking and irritating my skin, the straps cutting into my shoulders. Acacia rid herself of those damp shorts, which she had been wearing all day without any complaint (though she had declared earlier that she would not wear them for the ride home). We threw our stuff into the back seat and got in the car. I peeled off my shoes and socks, and let my feet breathe.
The ride home was subdued. Every part of my body hurt, and I fell asleep quickly. I only woke up when we stopped at the Stewart's gas station. I had to pee, plus it was my job to pay for gas, seeing as Acacia was clad only in a t-shirt and bright orange underwear, and would not put those shorts on again for anything. So, I pulled on my sneakers without putting my sweaty socks back on or even bothering to lace them, and got out of the car with the rest of our cash.

I felt awkward, stumbling into Stewart's without a bra on. I'm very subconscious about my breasts (you would be too if you were my cup size) you see, and felt uncomfortable going into the station with them in their unbridled state. So I crossed my arms over my chest, as if trying to keep them from wandering away, and shuffled over to the bathroom.
It was occupied. Of course it was occupied. It's a well known fact, that whenever you're at a gas station and in a hurry, the bathroom will be occupied, or the line will be ridiculously long. Whenever you're in a hurry, there will always be some obnoxious obstacle.
Eventually, the man in the bathroom finally vacated (and naturally, it seemed like he took an eternity. It's as if they do it on purpose you know, because they know someone is waiting, and want to be a total dick about it.) and I had my turn. Then I went to the counter and bought our gas. It was my first time buying gas, and I had no idea how to do it. We didn't have enough money for the amount Acacia wanted, so I had to ask for as much gas as our money would buy. I don't even remember how much money it was nor do I remember which one of us pumped the gas. I think it must have been me, because in her pants-less state, Acacia could not get out of the car. I had to have her guidance of course, seeing as I don't know how to pump gas, much less even drive a car. The whole experience at the gas station was very surreal.

The rest of the ride home was very much a blur. I dozed on and off, my body screaming in pain from the day's excursions. At some point, we passed the state borders. We were back in Vermont.
But we weren't home yet. We still had aways to go, for we were on the west side of VT, and home was on the easternmost edge of the state. Luckily, we were in the narrowest part of the VT. But the ride still seemed to last forever, and not in the exciting way our ride to the Great Escape had been. After all, we were very tired. Also, I felt strangely melancholy, as I often do after a fun trip. There's all the emotional build-up and excitement. Then during the event itself, there's a kind of emotional climax. It's like being high on my own feelings. When it's all over, and I come down from this high, I find myself drained and depressed.
That's what I was feeling at the moment. Usually it goes away after a couple of days filled with feelings of uneasiness. But for some reason, after this trip, I sunk into another depression, which would land me in group therapy.

When we were approaching Chester, Acacia asked if I wanted to stay another night at her house, seeing as she would be too tired to drive into Bellow's Falls. As much as I adore Acacia, I didn't feel like staying another night in an unfamiliar place, and begged her to take me to my own home. I wanted to see my mother, and to sleep in my own bed. Kindly, she agreed, on the condition that I hand her a Rice Krispy treat to give her enough energy to get us both home. I obliged and we continued on to Bellow's Falls.
We pulled up in front of my house. I knew it was late, but I didn't know what time it was, only that it was dark. It may have been anywhere between 10 PM and Midnight. I gathered my things, my overnight bag, my backpack, the tote full of food and the cooler. So much stuff to drag inside! Then Acacia and I said our farewells, and I staggered into the house.

The end of our adventure is rather anticlimactic, I'm afraid. As soon as I got in the house, I dropped all the bags on the nearest chair, and changed into a pair of pajamas. I told my mother all about my day, describing rides, telling her how expensive it everything was.
I was exhausted, my body ached and my throat was hoarse from screaming on the roller coasters. Emotionally, I felt a little drained, the excitement of the day being over and all
And as I went to bed that night, physically and emotionally worn out, I knew one thing for certain.
I was going to write about this day in my blog.

Well, that's it. The damn memoir is finally finished. Maybe now I can write about something meaningful. Or, I can just write another self-indulgent memoir.

Fox and Squirrel Pt. 9

And now, more of my longest most self-indulgent memoir ever written! I got my information on the parks history from themeparks.lovetoknow.com and wikipedia.

Part 9: This is Probably a Bad Time to Tell You I'm Pregnant
We wandered around the Fest Area, which is the section of park that boasts classic amusement park rides and games. Like many amusement parks, the Great Escape is divided into themed sections. I would like to take a moment to describe the different sections of the park to you, and discuss a brief history of The Great Escape as well.
First there is the little International Village at the park entrance. Designed to mimic a little Bavarian village, it mainly features gift shops, stroller rentals and park information. It's pretty but boring, seeing as it doesn't have any rides.
Then there is Storytown, which is the oldest part of the park, being 56 years old. The Great Escape was originally called Storytown USA, a Mother Goose themed amusement park that had been built in 1954. It had little child-sized buildings straight out of beloved nursery rhymes and fairy tales. It built up over the years, until it became The Great Escape in 1983. Storytown, is now the fairytale themed section of the park, featuring a beautiful river, rides, places to eat, games and shows. It's one of my favorite parts of the park. Those little child sized buildings are still standing too, though they're a little careworn.

Another section of the park is Ghost Town, which is the wild west themed part of the park. It was also a part of the original Storytown USA; it was created in 1957 when the owner, Charles Wood realized his park was only entertaining to little kids. It has some wild west themed rides, restaurants and shows as well as some arcade games.
Splashwater Kingdom is yet another section, a world of it's own. I think you know what part of the park it is by now, if you've read my last three or four entries. It's theme is varied, parts of it are tropical, parts of it have a Paul Bunyan theme. In proximity to Splashwater is a picnic area called the North Woods Picnic Grove. Large groups accumulate here for picnics, even though outside food is banned (Perhaps The Great Escape provides catering? I know Hershey's Chocolate World does). During October, it becomes a Haunted House, one which I almost went in one year, but the line was way too long. One day, I'll go in.
The Fest Area is supposed to be like your classic amusement park, with a Bavarian theme. I have noticed that a lot of amusement parks like to use the whole Bavarian fest theme, but I am not sure why. It has classic rides and games, lots of food and even a bungee jump ride, which costs 45 bucks for one rider, 50 for two and 60 for three. The fest area is the largest part of the park and features the most rides.

At The Great Escape, there are also sections of the park designated specifically for young children. The first of these is Looney Tunes National Park. The theme is quite obviously centered around the classic cartoon and major franchise, with kiddie rides based off of the characters. Looney Tunes National Park replaced Jungleland, which was a Jungle themed section created in 1960. It didn't really have much except a zoo, and a really cool Jungle Walk, which had fake animals peeping out of foliage and wobbly rope bridges. When they demolished Jungleland and made it into LTNP, they kept the Jungle Walk, but made it into some kind of Bugs Bunny walk. I wandered into this section of the park out of curiosity, once in 2005. I found it bright, colorful and rather tacky, to be honest.
The second section designated for ankle biters is Wiggles World. The Wiggles are a musical group just for little kids, in the same vein as Raffi. Parents blow all their money to bring their precious little babes to the band's concerts and to buy the albums, all for varying excuses. Some of these excuses could be honorable, though I think most people's intentions are less kid-oriented, and geared more towards one upping all the other parents in the "Who is the Number 1 Parent?" contest. Either way, in the end, the parents usually end up enjoying the cheerful demented music far more than the child ever does.
So The Great Escape cashed in on this franchise in 2008, creating a bright, psychedelic haven for little kids to play in, so that they could enjoy the park just as much as the older folks can. (Though I reflect now, that there are more kiddie rides than thrill rides at most fairs and theme parks). Wiggles World is the smallest park section, with only three rides and one restaurant. I've never personally explored it, though I walked past it during my most recent Great Escape trip.

Now that I have bored you sufficiently with a tangent of useless trivia and details, let me continue on with the true story. We were in the fest area, as I mentioned much earlier, and were trying to see how many rides we could possibly get on. I was extremely picky. After riding roller coasters and other extreme rides, I was craving an intense thrill. We chose a classic, The Cannonball Express, which is a Himalaya ride. I love Himalayas, I've loved them since I was ten. The Himalaya at the Great Escape has a funky disco theme. Usually, they play music to accompany you as you ride. But this time, there was no music.

Without the music, the ride wasn't as fun. Music adds to the pleasure of the ride. You don't necessarily need it, but it makes the experience a lot more exciting. When it comes to thrill rides, music adds to the sensory experience. I have noticed this is especially so with Himalayas and scramblers, but I have not figured out a reason yet.
The ride went fast, but not fast enough, nor did it last as long as I had hoped. Like I said, without the music it didn't satisfy as well as it could of. Anyway, I liked the Cannonball Express a lot less since they stopped making it go backwards. When I first rode it 1o or 11 years ago, it used to go backwards and forwards, but sometime in 2000/2001 they abruptly stopped the practice, probably because some idiot injured themselves.

After we got off The Cannonball express, we decided to ride The Blizzard. The Blizzard is a scrambler ride which is painted light blue, with a snowflake motif. There used to be a scrambler called the Magical Mystery Ride, which was housed inside a large green dome. In those days, it was painted bright orange, and spun you about in the dark, music and strobe lights adding to the fun. But sometime between 2004 and 2005, it was shut down and now there is a scrambler in the same area where the Flying Elephants ride used to stand.
Most scramblers are fast and furious, but this one was not going fast enough. This is the second time in the past two years I have gotten on a scrambler and found that it went unbearably slow. This usually occurs when kids are riding, probably because the ride operator doesn't want them to be too scared or get sick. Scramblers are supposed to go fast, that is why they are called scramblers. Their speed, combined with the circular motion is supposed to leave you disoriented and well, scrambled. Making the ride slow is, in a way, like castrating a bull. It takes out all the fire, all the fun. The bull becomes fat and docile, and the ride becomes dull.

After we exited the disappointing ride (I thought it was so, I do not remember how my companion felt about riding it), we went through the Alice In Wonderland Adventure. It's basically a walk-through, as opposed to a ride, loosely based of off the Disney cartoon (not the fantastic Tim Burton version of Alice). It's a part of the original Storytown USA, having been built in 1960.
We started our Alice Adventure by entering a giant hole in a tree, and walking through a bizarre red and black striped tunnel. Then we found ourselves in a room where all the furniture is three times bigger than you are. This room is actually very creepy, because it's so dusty and the lighting is bad. I usually want to get out as soon as possible.
At some point during the walk-through, we saw Alice's giant legs sticking out of a house (for some reason I just love that imagery). Also featured were The Hatter, giant mushrooms, flowers and blades of grass and the soldiers made of cards. I'm afraid I didn't pay a lot of attention, because I was too busy thinking of how much time we had left in the park. I was also distracted by the high-pitched whine of the child ahead of us throwing an epic hissy fit.

When we left the Alice Adventure, we had decided to ride the Sasquatch again. Our reasoning was that the park was probably going to close soon (it actually was not) and that we might as well squeeze in one more good ride. So we made our way back to the great towers and decided to ride the second tower, as opposed to the one we had ridden earlier that day. While we were getting in line however, a group of boys jumped in front of us, cutting us in line. We had been following the rules and not jumping over the line railings, but these little bastards disregarded that rule and us. When we voiced our displeasure, they behaved disrespectfully towards us. Then the two of us launched into a rant about how rude kids are. I am of the solid opinion, that most of today's youth are nothing but a bunch of spoiled, degenerate assholes. I know, it is odd hearing a 21 year old woman, still so young herself, say such a thing, but I stand by my opinion.
We were cut in front of twice while waiting for that ride. The first time was non-consensual, but the second time we let some kids go in front of us on the grounds that their group was going to leave the park in a few minutes and they wanted to ride The Sasquatch before they left. For all I know, they could of been lying, but we gave them the benefit of the doubt.

The second time we rode the Sasquatch was not as fun as the first. It shot up to the top of the tower, just like the last time, but this time, it seemed that we stayed up there for an eternity. We could hear the ride operator over the intercom above our seats, asking us if we were ready. Yes! Yes, we were! So let's get it over with!
When it finally did drop, I felt sick to my stomach. It didn't feel as exhilarating as it did the first time. In fact, it was actually a bit frightening this time. I do not know why this was so.
We got off the Sasquatch, and decided that it was high time to get some funnel cake. I love funnel cake. It's like a fancy version of fry bread, and is often served with powdered sugar or even soft serve ice cream. They are usually found at theme parks and festivals, like most other tasty artery clogging snacks.
I bought a funnel cake and a coke for Acacia and I to share. The whole thing cost around eleven dollars. It never ceases to amaze me, just how ludicrously expensive amusement park food is. But what choice does one have? Sometimes, you just have to have a funnel cake. People will pay these exorbitant prices, because they love the delicious unhealthy treats sold at theme parks and because Americans in general just love spending their cash. We're addicted to consumerism. We'll bitch and moan about the expense, but we will pay anyway, simply because that's how we're programmed.

We sat down on a bench and ate the hot funnel cake, powdered sugar dusting our chests and grease coating our fingertips. It was very delicious. Funnel cake is slightly crunchier than fry bread (fried dough), possibly because of it's shape. I enjoy this texture difference very much. As much as I love my fry bread (and trust me, I love my fry bread), I actually prefer funnel cake, especially with vanilla soft serve as a topping. Whoever decided that hot fried dough and cold sweet ice cream go good together should be given a Nobel prize.
When we finished eating, we stood up, brushed the powdered sugar off of our chests, wiped our hands off and decided what to do next. As we did so, I joked that the sugar on my chest looked like cocaine.
"Looks like I did a lot of blow," I had said.
We has decided to go into Ghost Town, and see if we could squeeze in any more rides (there was still some concern over when the park would close). So we tossed our trash, and made our way to the rock tunnel that connects Ghost Town to Story Town.

The tunnel was the same as ever, though it was not as cool (temperature wise) as I remembered. The gum was still stuck to the ceiling, though. When we passed the window with the waterfall, I stuck my hand under the water, which by this time of the day was lukewarm. Families with screaming, bawling kids walked past us, headed in the opposite direction. The tunnel was much longer than I remembered.
On the other side, Ghost Town lived up to it's moniker. It was quite empty, only a few people milling around. It was a little drab and boring compared to the rest of the park and didn't have a lot of rides. It has in total, four rides, I think. It used to have five but, The Nightmare roller coaster shut down for some mysterious reason. I always wanted to ride that, but never got to. The line was always too long. It also used to have an old-timey train ride, but I think that was closed down before I even started going to the Great Escape.
We bypassed The Condor, the "family thrill ride" which has traumatized me so many times and went straight for The Steamin' Demon roller coaster, which I hadn't ridden in ten years, not since my very first trip to the Great Escape.
The line for the coaster was rather short. It was nearing the end of the day, and there were much less people at the park, so the lines to rides were shorter
Our turn arrived, and we sat in my usual spot, in the middle, slightly near the back. We stored our glasses in the cubbies, buckled in and pulled the shoulder restraints down. I was only slightly nervous, not having ridden this coaster in ten long years, but willing do it, still high from the adrenaline rush of The Sasquatch and The Comet.

Like the Comet, this steel coaster started out slowly, staying low to the ground, before climbing up a steep hill. During our ascent, I turned to Acacia and said jokingly, loud enough for the other riders to hear:
"This is probably a bad time to tell you I'm pregnant,"
I don't rightly remember her reaction, but I do remember telling her that I love the idea of telling someone that you're pregnant, while riding a roller coaster. I've decided that every time I ride a roller coaster, I'm going to turn to the person next to me, and tell them that I am expecting.
At the top of the hill, instead of dropping right away, we made a sharp turn which led us to a very steep drop. We plummeted down the hill, then before we could fathom what was happening we were going through a loop, then several corkscrew turns. The Steamin' Demon is very fast and disorienting in this way. The ride isn't very long, but it's very exciting.
When we returned to the station, the ride operator didn't stop the ride or anything, he actually let us go through a second time! This happens rarely in the world of amusement parks, usually because of long lines, but here we were being given a twofer!
The second time around was just as fun, but this time, I noticed that during the corkscrew turns, my head would knock into the sides of the shoulder restraints, boxing my ears painfully. But I endured this as gracefully as I could, if one can be graceful while riding a roller coaster.
When we got off the ride, we got right back in line, to ride it all over again. Once on the ride, we made the usual jokes about being pregnant on roller coaster ("though not for long" I added). Also, during this ride, I experienced another painful ear boxing at the hands of my treacherous shoulder restraints (I love how the very devices that are supposed to keep you safe, get you hurt!).
The ride ended quickly, no twofer this time around, and we made our exit. I was slightly bitter that we didn't go around twice again, but shook it off. We had other rides to ride and not a lot of time to do it.

Fox and Squirrel Pt. 8

I want to warn you, my chronological order may be messed up, because my memory sucks.

Part 8- Eager To Ride
We made our way back to the lockers to change. On our way, we stopped at one those little outdoor showers usually found at public pools and water parks. These are commonly used to rinse yourself off before you get in the water, for hygienic purposes. They are also used after you've gotten wet, to rinse off the chlorine. But I use these showers for a special purpose. Ever notice how horribly cold it is the first few moments you get in a swimming pool? I've discovered that getting wet before you get in tends to cushion the blow and make it easier for your body to acclimate to the temperature of the water you're in. However, at the Great Escape, I have never experienced that terrible coldness while swimming in Splashwater Kingdom. I'm not sure why, but the water is always pleasant.

Acacia and I rinsed ourselves off with the warm water, which I found to be decidedly less pleasant than the cool waters of the slides and pools. Afterwards, we walked into the locker rooms, which echoed with the sounds of screaming children and gossiping guests. We collected our clothes, and herded into the same changing stall we had used to wriggle into our bathing suits. The cement floor was slick with water from all the bathers who come had come and gone throughout the day. I tried very hard not to drop anything. We dried ourselves off with our damp towels, and struggled into our clothes. The hardest part was getting into my shoes and socks, without getting my socks wet on the cement floor. I couldn't sit down to put them on, because unfortunately, there wasn't a bench in that changing stall. It was during this battle to change our clothes inside a damp tiny cell that Acacia told me she had dropped her bathing suit bottoms in the parking lot. She had been wearing her shorts and underwear the entire time in the water park, and would now have to walk around all day in damp shorts. But she didn't complain; she accepted her lot, whereas I would have bemoaned my ill fate.

We left Splashwater Kingdom. It is strange, while the only thing that separates Splashwater Kingdom and the rest of The Great Escape is an arch (bearing the title: Splashwater Kingdom), the two parts of the park are entirely foreign. They are two different worlds, but I am not sure how I can describe it. For one thing, the water park is brighter. There are less trees in the area, so the sun beats down upon the water and the cement. But despite this, it is much cooler than the rest of the park, possibly because of the presence of water, or because when you're wearing a bathing suit you've got more skin exposed and are thus cooler as a result. Your bathing suit being damp doesn't hurt either.

We wandered the park, deciding what to ride next. Acacia and I decided to ride The Comet. The Comet is, as you know, a wooden roller coaster, which was restored by the Great Escape. It's one of my favorite rides at the park, for I do prefer wooden roller coasters over steel. Acacia and I got into line; it was not horribly long, though there was a large group of hyperactive kids in front of us. Kids always seem eager to ride this coaster, but I've never figured out why.

When it was our turn, we climbed into the old fashioned cars (though not before putting our bags and glasses in the provided cubbies). There are two trains of cars, one red and one blue, I think we may have gotten the blue one, but I'm not entirely sure. Regardless of the car's color, we buckled the orange seat belts (I remember that) and lowered the foam-padded lap bar. Then, after the speech regarding safety precautions, the ride started.

The ride started out slowly, the track still low to the ground. I wasn't afraid, only excited, the first time I rode this coaster without any fear. The cars began to ascend the hill, the chain pulling us up, clacking and grinding. It rose high and higher, and finally we went rushing down the steep hill, the wind in our faces, screaming, you guessed it, a Hetalia reference. I had my hands in the air, screaming in joy. I kept my hands up for most of the thrilling ride, through sharp turns and swooping drops. I kept my arms in the air until the coaster jumped suddenly, and I felt myself being pitched out of the car! It isn't unusual for one's ass to briefly leave the seat during a roller coaster ride, but this time, my body had somehow swerved to the left, putting me at risk of being an amusement park casualty. The near danger lasted only for a moment however, for I grabbed the bar, pulled my self back into the seat and held on for the rest of the ride.

When the ride was over, we collected our things and went to the kiosk where they sell the photos they took of you on the ride. This is very common on a lot of roller coasters, log flumes and other thrill rides, to take a picture of riders when they're at a certain point in the ride, to capture the amusing expressions they make. Some people flash the camera or flip the bird. Acacia and I did neither of those things. What I noticed about our snapshot, was that I looked eerily like my mother in it. We decided not to buy the photos (not because of our appearances, but because we lacked sufficient funds.) and made our way to the Fest Area of the park to experience more rides.

Like most of my memoirs, my chronological memory is very hazy. I do recall that we were worried about the time the park would close. It was around two or three in the afternoon, and we wanted as much time in the park as possible. I began to feel a manic urge to get on as many rides as possible. One of these rides I frantically hopped aboard was The Pirate Ship. This ride ends up in a lot of my memoirs, for it is ubiquitous in the amusement park world. Every park, carnival, and county fair will feature one if they have the space and the money, because it is such a popular ride. It is a thrill ride that most people can enjoy (though I have witnessed them turning away children that are too short or people who are obese; the latter because the safety bar could not fit over their bellies), for it is not too extreme, but still packs a punch.

We got in line, hoping to get the very back seats (for those go the highest in the air). That was not our fate of course, for the skinny, bratty girls in front of us had that dubious honor. It is the cold hard fact of amusement parks, that the people in front of you always grab the seats that you want, whether you wanted it because of it's placement (such as the back seats of the Pirate) or if you wanted it because of it's color or design. It becomes a habit, when you're in line for a ride to give the people in front of you the evil eye, almost daring them to grab that seat you want, willing them, commanding them (inside your head of course, lest you look like a lunatic) to stay the fuck away from that seat you so desire. These death glares must be subtle of course, for you may be discovered.

We sat down in the third row, near the stern (the second row naturally having been taken over by another group of tween girls). The safety bar lowered automatically and the ride started. The group of young girls behind us, were screaming like it was the scariest thing they had ever been on. As we soared in the air, I rolled my eyes and laughed.

The ride was short, too short for my tastes. I like my thrill rides to be pretty lengthy, but it seems that they like to run them for only two or three minutes, especially if the waiting line is long. They need to make the ride fast to make the line move fast. But the line wasn't really long today, so that wasn't a problem. I don't know why amusement park rides have to run so short. We got off the ride, and gathered our things. Among our belongings, we had the addition of a coke cup. Acacia had purchased a coke right before we left the water park, and we had shared it. When the coke was gone, we filled the cup with water from the drinking fountains. Eventually when the cubes melted we got rid of it, but the coke cup would later be replaced.

After this, we made the not so sage decision to ride The Alpine Bobsled. I've described this ride before. It's a roller coaster inspired by bobsledding, with a nice Winter Olympics theme. Instead of traditional tracks, the bobsled modeled cars speed down a luge track. It can actually be dangerous; a woman died when her sled went off the tracks and crashed. Also, because of the poor neck and shoulder support on this ride, it is very easy to experience whiplash. I consider it the park's worst ride when it comes to safety and rider comfort.

The line for this was actually kind of long. The people in front of us were eavesdropping on our conversation, but to be polite we let them in on our discussions about Hetalia and American Indian culture.

When we made it to the station where people entered and exited the ride, Acacia and I started discussing which bobsled we would get. As I've mentioned in previous memoirs, the bobsleds are emblazoned with different international flags, coinciding with the Olympic theme. There is America, Canada, Britain, France, Italy, Switzerland, and Jamaica. Since we had been discussing Hetalia all day (which is an anime about the different countries that fought in WW2, it's cute and strange), what country we got was of great importance. We wanted Italy, or Canada, because Italy was my favorite and Canada is Acacia's favorite. Britain or France would also be acceptable, as would Switzerland or the United States. But we did not want Jamaica (though I used to want that one when I was a kid, because of the film Cool Runnings) because Jamaica is not in Axis Powers Hetalia. While we waited, we let some people go ahead of us so they could remain with their group, I don't usually like letting people cut in front of me though, but since it was an older woman with a child who politely asked for this, I relented.
Waiting in line for roller coasters reminds me of herding livestock. From the large single line, you branch off into a group of smaller lines, which are sectioned off by gates and bars. This method determines where you sit on the ride, in the front or the back. It can, at times be a little confusing and frustrating. Sometimes they have special lines that get you to the very front of the coaster, but they have none of that nonsense on this ride.

I can not remember which country was on our bobsled. It was either Italy or Canada, one of the very countries we had desired! I think for sure, that it was Italy, for I recall crying "Pasta!" a few times, disturbing the people who had been in line in front of us. We lowered the lap bars and got ready for the ride to start. I wasn't going to take off my glasses for this coaster, probably because it didn't have so many steep drops and it did not go upside down.

The ride started, and I found that I liked it a lot less than I used to. Yes, it was fast, but it was awkward, and contained too many sudden stops. Every time it would lurch or stop suddenly, my neck would jerk forward painfully, and my breasts and stomach would slam into the lap bar, causing further pain. The sound of the wheels on the luge, was unpleasant to my ears. All in all, I really hated riding this, and it put me in a bad mood. When we exited the ride, I complained about how unsafe the Alpine Bobsled was. They need better head and neck support for this ride, or they need someone to operate the damn thing properly. Maybe they need both.
We continued on our way; I was still worried about how much time we could have in the park. We would try to squeeze in a few more rides, maybe even get something to eat. Read all about it in my next entry!

Fox and Squirrel Pt. 7

It seems this memoir is running longer than the others that I've written. I certainly hope what few readers I have can keep up.

Part 7: The Church of the Bucket
It was our turn, and it was too late to change our minds. Acacia and I settled down in our clover shaped inner tube; we sat across from each other diagonally, in order to even out the weight distribution. Then we let the current whip us down the slide.
The drop was very steep, much steeper than the Mega Wedgie, and the speed we were traveling at was much faster as well. It was so fast and wild, that when the inner tube shot out into the funnel that gives the ride it's moniker, I didn't even realize it. My ignorance was short-lived however, for I looked down and saw that we were twenty feet in the air, up the side of the giant funnel. I made a noise of surprise and shock (perhaps some expletives were involved as well), and Acacia laughed at the expression on my face.
We slid up and down the sides of the tunnel (it's placed horizontally, as opposed to vertically, so instead of spinning inside the funnel, you go up the sides) several times, until our momentum slowed down. Then we shot out the bottom of the tunnel and landed with a giant splash into the pool. What fun that slide was! I had been slightly frightened and highly delighted. We floated in our inner tube for a few moments, the sun shining on us. I felt exposed, for I knew the people still waiting in line were watching us, waiting to see when we would get off our tube and get out of the water. I had wanted to float into the shallows, and I think we may have, but it was more likely that we quickly dismounted from the tube and dragged the cumbersome bastard out of the water.

We left The Tornado, laughing about how shocked we were when we realized we were up on the side of the funnel. We collected our towels and Acacia's sandals from the place we left them, having to lean over a  man, who was lounging in a chair next to the fence we placed our things on. It was pretty awkward, but I'm sure he didn't mind.
We walked down to Paul Bunyan's Bucket Brigade, which is a large aquatic playground that boasts ' over 150 ways to get wet'. The tree-house like, five-story edifice that resembles an over-sized jungle gym is set in a two foot deep pool, and features fountains, jets that spray water from all directions, and slides. But the icing on the cake is a large bucket set at the very tippy top of the 'tree house', which holds up to five hundred (if I recall correctly) gallons of water, and, when it is filled to capacity, empties itself upon eager bathers at regular intervals. Let me tell you, there is nothing like having 500 gallons of water dumped on you, it's traumatizing, and yet a very thrilling experience.

Since the bucket was still filling, Acacia and I cavorted about, playing in the fountains and jets, and going down one of the slides. It was kind of fun, but what I really wanted to do was be under that bucket! Eventually, when it looked like the bucket was reaching its peak, we stood under it, joined by other park goers. See, every time the bucket gets ready to empty itself, a large gathering of people starts to form underneath it, reminding me of in a strange way of a religious cult. It's the way they all stand, perfectly still, eyes cast toward their deity, The Bucket. Acacia and I stood in the very center of this congregation of The Church of the Bucket.

After a long wait (which we endured by running under the little waterfalls that happened to be nearby) the bucket finally unleashed it's five hundred gallons of aquatic rage. The water came down on us in a violent torrent, knocking my glasses off to the side of my head. I clung to Acacia, the two of us screaming Hetalia references at the top of our lungs. While the duration of the epic soaking may last only a few seconds, it does feel like forever, and we were right in the thick of it, so we bore the brunt of The Bucket's fury. It was surreal, being engulfed and trapped in this strange watery cocoon, unable to move. When it was over, I fixed my glasses and checked my jewelry to see if any of it had been torn off by the force of the water. Luckily, it had not and Acacia and I wrung ourselves out, then decided to visit the Lumberjack Splash Wavepool. A wave pool, is essentially a giant swimming pool, with waves created by a machine. Set at times intervals, they;re supposed to simulate waves in the ocean. The first time I entered this wave pool, at the tender age of 11, I nearly drowned, because I was not a strong swimmer and the waves were too big for me. A life guard had seen me struggling, but made no moves to help me.

Now that I was older I feared this wave pool less, though I still fear drowning (since I have nearly drowned several times in my life, I think this phobia is rational). Acacia and I waded in, just as the waves were starting. We went out as far as we could go, where the waves were the highest and fiercest. Unafraid, I threw myself into the waves, stood in the face of them and let them rock me. I wished I had an inner tube so I could ride them, but I still enjoyed the feeling of the water cradling me, like being wrapped in the arms of a great sea goddess .It's almost as good as being in the ocean. Then, as the waves began to die down, it was almost relaxing. When they were completely gone, and pool became just like any regular pool, Acacia and I paddled around for a bit, then decided it was time to leave Splashwater Kingdom. We were cooled off sufficiently and wanted to go back to the rest of the park, to enjoy the thrills offered there.

I warn you, the next installment, might take me awhile. My memory is fuzzed up again, and I am unable to get the chronological stuff in order. But bear with me, and thanks for reading.

The Great Escape Part 6

This is the final chapter of my second memoir. Have you noticed all my little memoirs are about visiting amusement parks? Maybe I should find another memoir subject...

Part 6: A Lasting Impression
Our trip to the Great Escape was almost over. We had a few more rides to go on, and then we would take our leave, ending one of the most exciting days of my young life.
As I've mentioned multiple times, while I remember most of what I did during this day, I do not remember the chronological order. I do not know if I went on the Alpine before the Comet, or if I rode the Raging River before or after either of those rides. But since I've already described the former two rides to you, I will now bore you with a brief summary of the first time I rode the Raging River, before I finish this tale altogether.

The Raging River, is a river rafting ride that is commonly found at most amusement parks. Six riders sit in a circular raft, safely cradled in high-backed seats. Restraints generally consist of seat belts, and riders can hold onto a large ring in the center of the craft. Since it's essentially controlled white water rafting, you will get very wet.
I remember the line was very long, because it is one of those extended wait rides. Whoever planned the layout of the park must have anticipated this, for there were vending machines, and a snack bar set up in the line, so one could get some snacks to keep themselves busy, or stave off hunger pain as we wait over an hour for a ride that only takes like ten minutes.
As we got further in line, we found ourselves standing on a bridge over the artificial river. From our vantage point, we could get a good look at riders sailing out in their rafts, as well as people squirting water at them from coin-operated water guns, set up on the cement walls that keep guests from falling in the river. Park goers idling along the hard blacktop could pay a few coins and torment people on The Raging River, if they so desired. I find this to be a rather obnoxious and malicious form of entertainment if you ask me. Most of the people who take advantage of these squirt guns are young immature boys aged 8 to 15. Those in the rafts usually retaliate against these hooligans with a few choice words and certain gesture involving the middle finger.

One of the interesting things about this ride is the fact that the river and it's rafts are kept moving by a gigantic wooden wheel. In the center of this wheel is a cement block with a wall of cubbies where riders can keep their belongings.
When it was our turn, we walked off a ramp that arched over the wheel (if I recall correctly, which I'm not sure I do) and onto the cement center to store our things. Then in order to get to our perpetually moving rafts, we had to walk onto the wheel itself. The planks were a little slippery and it was a little strange walking on something that was moving (though if you kept moving you wouldn't really feel it). The edge of the wheel was covered in black rubber.
All three of the adults were to go in one raft, and all four of us kids were to ride in another. The rafts can hold up to six people, but since there were seven of us, the only sensible solution was to split the kids and the adults. Awkwardly, I climbed into the wet raft with my sister and cousins, hoping not to sit in a puddle of water.

The ride started out agonizingly slow, pushed along by the wheel, until it dropped onto the river course. As we went under the bridge where people stood waiting in line, we probably got squirted at by people with those cursed coin-operated water guns.
I remember being very excited to be on this ride, as it sped up and started cresting the swells. However, the excitement soon turned to panic. You see, at one point the ride was stopped by two metal bars that sprang up from the bottom of canal. I'm sure there was a good reason for us to stop, but I do not know what it could be, not even today. Usually though, the pause is very brief, less than a minute, but somehow it was delayed, and we were stuck! Our raft began to list to one side, obviously starting to sink. I was certainly frightened, and I am sure the others were too, but before it got any worse, the bars moved, and we were released. It was a very lucky thing too, because people have died on this kind of ride, when the raft flips over or sinks. They drown, for they are trapped by the very seat belts that were supposed to keep them safe, or they cannot get out from under the heavy raft. It is a disturbing, to think of the horror the victims of these accidents must have felt before they died.

After that ordeal, the ride was very enjoyable. We got splashed by waterfalls, and water sloshed over the sides of the black and yellow raft, getting us drenched. I didn't get as wet as my sister and cousins did if I recall, but I think I got soaked pretty decently.
The ride ended when it was pulled up a conveyor belt, returning our raft to the great wheel (Sounds slightly symbolic doesn't it?). One or two ride attendants stopped the raft so we could climb out, and let the next group of riders board.

Now that we've finished our interlude with The Raging River, I suppose I can end this long-winded story once and for all. We ended our day in the park in The Old West themed section of the park, where we rode The Desperado Plunge a second time (though this time I think I insisted on sitting in the back where the water couldn't splash me too badly.) After we rode that, my cousins and I rode the Condor at least two or three times.  I seemed to have forgotten that earlier that day the ride traumatized me completely. I am terrified of heights, especially if I'm dangling inside a bird shaped capsule that lacks a seat belt. I can ride roller coasters, I can ride 192 foot towers that drop you at startling speeds, but for the love of God, I can NOT ride the Condor or any ride similar to it. Maybe it's the way those capsules have a terrible habit of swaying and squeaking in such a way that it makes me think the whole fucking thing will break off, leaving me plummeting to a messy death. But I still rode the damn thing three or four times that day, the only good part this last ride being the sunset. After all, who doesn't enjoy a good sunset?

Afterwards, we left the park, watching the place shut down. Amusement parks at closing are creepy places you know, the ghosts of the park begin to wander in that eerie twilight, the rides are silent and sad, and the animals in the petting zoo are left to their own devices. I often wonder where those creatures live during the off-season.
To leave the park, one must pass through the gift shop, a delicious marketing ploy in my opinion. Inside it was crowded with people, and we took a moment to admire the merchandise, but we did not buy anything.

I remember very little of the ride home. At one point, we stopped in downtown Lake George to eat dinner. We had McDonald's and I remember that the fries were very hard and crispy. In my Happy Meal, I got one of those plastic mini Barbie dolls that they sometimes dole out. It was her 'little sister' Kelly, in a little swing set. There was a little tab you could use to push her back and forth. Still high from my first encounter with the world of thrill rides (Well, technically my second, since I DID attend the Addison County Fair when I was four), I pretended that the swing was some kind of amusement park ride.

After eating, we wandered downtown Lake George, why I did not know. The streets were alive with tourists. There were vendors selling coke bottles filled with colored sand, and those foam animals that you could suspend from a wire, making them appear to levitate (I think I had owned one of those once, but by this point in time it was long gone). We stopped in an arcade, where my sister and uncle (we had long since separated from my aunt Amy and the cousins) played with a robotic hen that laid eggs filled with prizes. I got an egg that contained a little cheap plastic car, I do not know what happened to it. The arcade was strange and a little scary to me, for it was dimly lit and filled with strangers, and I wanted nothing more than to get out of there.

We drove out of Lake George, and I noticed as we left, a small amusement park, still lit up. It amazed me that one town could have so many attractions. Besides the Great Escape, Lake George also offered a wax museum, at least two other small amusement parks, and outlet mall, a large mini golf course and a water park.
I stared at that glittering park, looking sparkling and lovely. It looked safe and happy. I particularly remember seeing a ride with cars shaped like hot air balloons. Innocently, I asked if what I was seeing was another amusement park.
"No, it's a birthday party, all for one little boy," My sister said sarcastically. She did that to me a lot, at that age her wit could be quite rude and barbed. Actually, it still is and she is still quite sarcastic with me.

Even though I didn't always get sarcasm, I knew she was lying to me. I knew no one would buy out an entire amusement park for one birthday boy or girl. Well, at the time I thought no one would do that. But we are currently living in decadent times, I imagine there are a few millionaires willing to blow their money on a spoiled child by renting an entire amusement park for the kid's birthday.

The ride home was long. I dozed in the back seat, visions of brightly colored lights and rides filling my head each time I closed my eyes. It had been one of the best days of my life, a day I would never completely forget, even though a few details have escaped my memory.
I don't remember getting home, I honestly don't. It was probably very late, and I was most likely half asleep. The long exciting adventure was over and although it was nearly eleven years ago, it has left a lasting impression on me.
The End

This is the second memoir I've written on this blog. I've got one more to finish. Will I write any more? And will I write any that aren't about going to amusement parks?

Fox and Squirrel Pt. 6

Part 6: Positively Drenched
We found ourselves speeding down the tunnel, water splashing around us. The lenses of my glasses were splattered, so I could not see, and all I could hear was the roaring of the water. Acacia and I screamed in delight. The turns and dips were sharp and sudden, and I had no idea when we'd end up dumped in the basin of the Mega Wedgie, or what would happen once we were in there.
Then, with a splash (I warn you now, this word and all it's variants are going to show up a lot during this chapter), we shot out into the large basin, which is shaped a lot like a bundt cake pan. The current spun us around this bundt basin once, then twice, and then a third time. This surprised me, because I had expected only one revolution. I was even more surprised when we got stuck during our third trip around! The current had washed us up onto a spot where there wasn't any water, close to the center. We were stuck on this dry patch, the water roaring around us. We frantically tried to push ourselves back into the current, I was feeling mildly panicked. We pushed our legs against the sides of the basin, and with some force, freed ourselves. We were the current once more, rushing towards the basin's exit. We landed in the pool with a great splash, let ourselves float for a moment, then rolled off the inner tube and waded out of the three foot deep pool to hand our inner tube to the next person in line one. I wrung the excess water out my bathing suit and we went to see what else we could go on.

We had only just whet (pardon the pun) our appetite for water rides, and were eager for more soggy thrills. We decided to ride Captain Hook's River Adventure, the same lazy river ride I discussed in another memoir. It's always been a favorite of mine, and I was surprised to see some of the changes it had undergone, not to the ride itself, but in the way people were using it. Instead of just floating down it on inner tubes, bathers were now swimming in it, alongside those using the tubes. Acacia and I decided to wait for an inner tube however, and got in line.

It was a pretty long wait, but it was bearable, since we were still wet from the Mega Wedgie. It also helped that as we got closer to our turn, we could wade in the man-made river, the water lapping over our ankles. When we waded deeper, it lapped at our knees. We talked to other bathers very cordially ( for there is nothing like an awkward, polite conversation with a stranger you'll never see again) and watched people get on their inner tubes, and if they had little kids, rest them in their laps. When it was our turn we were handed our vinyl rings of joy, and tried to climb on them. It was almost impossible, because they slip out from under you, the stubborn little bastards. I eventually asked a gentleman to hold mine down, which he kindly did. I settled awkwardly onto the thing, and let the current take me. Acacia, had no such luck climbing onto her tube, so she climbed through it, and kind of walked/paddled using the tube for support.

 This ride is wonderful, you just bob along, utterly relaxed, going where the current takes you. We passed under the bridge, but I don't think I got splashed by it's little waterfall. We talked to each other, and to the people around floating around us.
At one point, we were nearing that dreadful pipe that pours gallons of water onto unsuspecting floaters. One man nearby said "I don't want do go under that,". Just as he said it, I happened to be the unlucky fucker to get stuck under that aquatic torture device. It's hell being under a fountain or a spouting pipe, it feels like you're under that rushing water for an eternity. You can't see anything at all; you can only hear the loudness of the water pounding against you and your inner tube, and of course, that shit is freezing. After a few moments it was over. I was not hurt nor missing any jewelry, just soggy, so very soggy. Positively drenched in fact. The man who had not wanted to go under the gushing pipe laughed in a good-natured manner, and thanked me for going under it for him. I do not remember my retort, but it was probably a mixture of sarcasm and good cheer.

We passed a swimming pool attached to the river. Well, this was new. People were lounging by it, wading in it, and when they so desired, they would walk down some underwater steps into the lazy river. A lot of these swimmers were kids, who were eager to show Acacia and I that they could swim underwater and that they could swim like dolphins.
The ride came full circle eventually, and we found ourselves back where we started. Not wanting my pleasure to end, I asked the lifeguard how many times we could go around.
"Once" She said rather sternly.
Once?! Only once? You used to be able to go around twice. I don't know why they decided to change it; probably because the lines were getting too long. Disappointed, I dismounted from my inner tube, and handed it to the next rider. Then Acacia and I waded out of the water.
We then decided to go on the most epic water slide the Great Escape had to offer. It's called the Tornado, and it is a water slide that shoots you out into a huge funnel; once you're in that funnel, you're sliding up it's sides, thrown around at the mercy of the soggy elements. Then, after you lose momentum, you slide out the funnel into a pool.

I was a little nervous about riding it, because of how high the walls of the funnel were. But we gathered up our towels, and Acacia's sandals (I had opted to go barefoot) and went to get in line. It was a rather long line, and it would be a bit of a wait, but we were properly drenched and cooled off. So it wasn't torture, like the lines in the rest of the park are.
The line for The Tornado worked the same way the line for the Mega Wedgie did. There was Line 1, where you waited for a four person inner tube, which was shaped like a four leaf clover. In Line 2, you waited for your turn to go down the slide.
As we waited, we watched people walk past us with their inner tubes, most of them gaggles of teenage boys in surf shorts or skinny teenage girls in their dainty string bikinis. I couldn't help but feel fat and unattractive in my voluminous swimsuit which could barely contain my equally voluminous chest.

As we got further up in line, we watched people come shooting out of the mouth of the slide, shouting with joy and amusement. Some people had expressions that displayed only surprise and shock, as if the slide had been too intense for them. But it seemed most people enjoyed The Tornado.
After the long wait in the first line, we received our gargantuan inner tube. It was, despite being feather light, a very awkward thing, easily carried by four or even three riders, but not by two and certainly not one. To add to the discomfort of carrying our awkward inner tube, the walk from line 1 to line 2 happened to be a little bit long and quite impractical. We struggled with our clover tube, trying to keep it off the ground, not only to keep the concrete from popping the tube, but because the scraping of vinyl on concrete is an irritating noise.

So we waddled across the pavement with our tube, past crowds of bathers. We struggled up the wooden stairs to the second line. At the top of the stairs was a wooden bridge, that stretched across the great funnel that gave The Tornado its name. People were blocking up this bridge; they weren't even in line. They were just standing there, basking in the spray coming off the slide, and watching the riders slide up the sides of the funnel. Now that I think about it, I wonder if these people weren't just random bystanders, but were there waiting for their friends to go down the slide, either because they themselves had already ridden, or because they were not riding at all. This impromptu audience consisted mostly of middle-aged housewives and small kids, so I'm guessing the latter.

We navigated past the small crowd of people on the water slick bridge, and continued up more stairs to find ourselves in Line Two. We were very high up, more than 20 feet, able to oversee the entire water park and even some of the regular park. I felt a little bit dizzy and a little uneasy being up there, but what could I do? I wanted to go on this slide and there was, as usual, no turning back...