Fox and Squirrel Pt. 6

Part 6: Positively Drenched
We found ourselves speeding down the tunnel, water splashing around us. The lenses of my glasses were splattered, so I could not see, and all I could hear was the roaring of the water. Acacia and I screamed in delight. The turns and dips were sharp and sudden, and I had no idea when we'd end up dumped in the basin of the Mega Wedgie, or what would happen once we were in there.
Then, with a splash (I warn you now, this word and all it's variants are going to show up a lot during this chapter), we shot out into the large basin, which is shaped a lot like a bundt cake pan. The current spun us around this bundt basin once, then twice, and then a third time. This surprised me, because I had expected only one revolution. I was even more surprised when we got stuck during our third trip around! The current had washed us up onto a spot where there wasn't any water, close to the center. We were stuck on this dry patch, the water roaring around us. We frantically tried to push ourselves back into the current, I was feeling mildly panicked. We pushed our legs against the sides of the basin, and with some force, freed ourselves. We were the current once more, rushing towards the basin's exit. We landed in the pool with a great splash, let ourselves float for a moment, then rolled off the inner tube and waded out of the three foot deep pool to hand our inner tube to the next person in line one. I wrung the excess water out my bathing suit and we went to see what else we could go on.

We had only just whet (pardon the pun) our appetite for water rides, and were eager for more soggy thrills. We decided to ride Captain Hook's River Adventure, the same lazy river ride I discussed in another memoir. It's always been a favorite of mine, and I was surprised to see some of the changes it had undergone, not to the ride itself, but in the way people were using it. Instead of just floating down it on inner tubes, bathers were now swimming in it, alongside those using the tubes. Acacia and I decided to wait for an inner tube however, and got in line.

It was a pretty long wait, but it was bearable, since we were still wet from the Mega Wedgie. It also helped that as we got closer to our turn, we could wade in the man-made river, the water lapping over our ankles. When we waded deeper, it lapped at our knees. We talked to other bathers very cordially ( for there is nothing like an awkward, polite conversation with a stranger you'll never see again) and watched people get on their inner tubes, and if they had little kids, rest them in their laps. When it was our turn we were handed our vinyl rings of joy, and tried to climb on them. It was almost impossible, because they slip out from under you, the stubborn little bastards. I eventually asked a gentleman to hold mine down, which he kindly did. I settled awkwardly onto the thing, and let the current take me. Acacia, had no such luck climbing onto her tube, so she climbed through it, and kind of walked/paddled using the tube for support.

 This ride is wonderful, you just bob along, utterly relaxed, going where the current takes you. We passed under the bridge, but I don't think I got splashed by it's little waterfall. We talked to each other, and to the people around floating around us.
At one point, we were nearing that dreadful pipe that pours gallons of water onto unsuspecting floaters. One man nearby said "I don't want do go under that,". Just as he said it, I happened to be the unlucky fucker to get stuck under that aquatic torture device. It's hell being under a fountain or a spouting pipe, it feels like you're under that rushing water for an eternity. You can't see anything at all; you can only hear the loudness of the water pounding against you and your inner tube, and of course, that shit is freezing. After a few moments it was over. I was not hurt nor missing any jewelry, just soggy, so very soggy. Positively drenched in fact. The man who had not wanted to go under the gushing pipe laughed in a good-natured manner, and thanked me for going under it for him. I do not remember my retort, but it was probably a mixture of sarcasm and good cheer.

We passed a swimming pool attached to the river. Well, this was new. People were lounging by it, wading in it, and when they so desired, they would walk down some underwater steps into the lazy river. A lot of these swimmers were kids, who were eager to show Acacia and I that they could swim underwater and that they could swim like dolphins.
The ride came full circle eventually, and we found ourselves back where we started. Not wanting my pleasure to end, I asked the lifeguard how many times we could go around.
"Once" She said rather sternly.
Once?! Only once? You used to be able to go around twice. I don't know why they decided to change it; probably because the lines were getting too long. Disappointed, I dismounted from my inner tube, and handed it to the next rider. Then Acacia and I waded out of the water.
We then decided to go on the most epic water slide the Great Escape had to offer. It's called the Tornado, and it is a water slide that shoots you out into a huge funnel; once you're in that funnel, you're sliding up it's sides, thrown around at the mercy of the soggy elements. Then, after you lose momentum, you slide out the funnel into a pool.

I was a little nervous about riding it, because of how high the walls of the funnel were. But we gathered up our towels, and Acacia's sandals (I had opted to go barefoot) and went to get in line. It was a rather long line, and it would be a bit of a wait, but we were properly drenched and cooled off. So it wasn't torture, like the lines in the rest of the park are.
The line for The Tornado worked the same way the line for the Mega Wedgie did. There was Line 1, where you waited for a four person inner tube, which was shaped like a four leaf clover. In Line 2, you waited for your turn to go down the slide.
As we waited, we watched people walk past us with their inner tubes, most of them gaggles of teenage boys in surf shorts or skinny teenage girls in their dainty string bikinis. I couldn't help but feel fat and unattractive in my voluminous swimsuit which could barely contain my equally voluminous chest.

As we got further up in line, we watched people come shooting out of the mouth of the slide, shouting with joy and amusement. Some people had expressions that displayed only surprise and shock, as if the slide had been too intense for them. But it seemed most people enjoyed The Tornado.
After the long wait in the first line, we received our gargantuan inner tube. It was, despite being feather light, a very awkward thing, easily carried by four or even three riders, but not by two and certainly not one. To add to the discomfort of carrying our awkward inner tube, the walk from line 1 to line 2 happened to be a little bit long and quite impractical. We struggled with our clover tube, trying to keep it off the ground, not only to keep the concrete from popping the tube, but because the scraping of vinyl on concrete is an irritating noise.

So we waddled across the pavement with our tube, past crowds of bathers. We struggled up the wooden stairs to the second line. At the top of the stairs was a wooden bridge, that stretched across the great funnel that gave The Tornado its name. People were blocking up this bridge; they weren't even in line. They were just standing there, basking in the spray coming off the slide, and watching the riders slide up the sides of the funnel. Now that I think about it, I wonder if these people weren't just random bystanders, but were there waiting for their friends to go down the slide, either because they themselves had already ridden, or because they were not riding at all. This impromptu audience consisted mostly of middle-aged housewives and small kids, so I'm guessing the latter.

We navigated past the small crowd of people on the water slick bridge, and continued up more stairs to find ourselves in Line Two. We were very high up, more than 20 feet, able to oversee the entire water park and even some of the regular park. I felt a little bit dizzy and a little uneasy being up there, but what could I do? I wanted to go on this slide and there was, as usual, no turning back...