Dearest reader, I hope you're keeping up, and I hope you're reading everything in order. If you're reading this at all.
Part 5: Blessed Relief
As I mentioned earlier, Acacia had left her bathing suit in the car. So before we could have our soggy romp in the water park, we had to make the long, hot trek out to the parking lot, where we were inconveniently parked way in the back of that dreaded asphalt ocean. Naturally, I had some complaints, some of which I vocalized, some of which I kept to myself. Mainly, I bitched about the heat, and the proximity of our car.
So we made out way out of Storytown and into the International Village where the entrances and exits of the park were located. I just wanted to get this over with, I was slowly roasting inside my own clothes, and my feet had already begun to ache. At the exit, we had our hands stamped so we could reenter the park. The old guy manning the exit flirted with us shamelessly.
You have to exit the Great Escape through their Gift Shop, there is no other way. This is some excellent planning on their part, because as you're leaving, you're exposed to their merchandise. How can you resist some of the fine souvenirs they're offering you? Drinking mugs, apparel, shot glasses and magnets all emblazoned with the Great Escape logo. Stuffed toys, jewelry, and candy. Puppets and sodas. Sundry items line racks and shelves. Anything you can think of will be there. How can you resist? Aren't your pockets just burning to be emptied?
But I did not feel any burning in our pockets, I was too busy concentrating on the sweet coolness of the air conditioning. Compared to the thick heat outside, the air in here seemed thinner and cleaner. It was a blessed relief, like diving into cold water or stepping into a freezer. We walked through the gift shop slowly, taking in the sensation of the crisp, cool air wrapping around us. I knew that once we left the gift shop we'd be back in the thick, soupy heat, and that the heat would feel much worse after having been exposed to air-conditioning. But I tried not to think about it, and concentrated on enjoying as much of the cold air as I could.
When we exited the gift shop the heat fell on us like a heavy quilt. It was pretty bad; in fact, it was downright terrible. The air felt suffocating and dense, thick and almost tangible. We trudged back to the car, cursing the heat. It seemed to take forever, it always does in this sort of humidity, but eventually we made it to the car. Acacia grabbed her suit, and then grabbed some juice pouches from our cooler for us to drink. We had left our cooler in the car, because The Great Escape doesn't allow guests to bring in outside food into the park. This forces patrons to either leave and have tailgate picnics in the parking lot, (which I have done in the past) or buy food inside the park. Most people would rather do the latter than have to drag their kids outside the park and listen to them whine about not wanting to leave. This senseless rule about outside food was probably made in an effort to get more money out of park guests.
The juice pouches were mostly frozen, thanks to my mother sticking them in the freezer a few days before. But we sucked out what juice we could, relishing the cold sweetness. Then, we walked back to the park, ripping the pouches open to scoop out the slush, chewing on them to force out the cold icy goodness inside. It was still hot, and people were staring at us, but it helped us feel a little better. We got most of the punch flavored slush out and into our mouths by the time we made it to the gates. Then, we threw them out (no outside food, remember?), flashed our stamped hands at the gate people, and reentered the park without a fuss.
But it was a long trek to Splashwater Kingdom. Consulting our maps, we walked through Storytown, and the Fest Area. In the Fest area, we found lockers to rent, but you could only rent them with an ATM like computer, a feature they did not have the last time I went to The Great Escape. People were swarming around these computers, complete pandemonium all around. My panic levels rose dramatically, and I had my one and only freak out of the day, as we attempted to rent a locker via computer. It seemed too complicated, what had happened to the old way of renting lockers? There were other lockers, inside Splashwater Kingdom, couldn't we try those? I begged Acacia if we could try the lockers inside Splashwater Kingdom instead.
Acacia relented, and we walked into Splashwater Kingdom. It seemed sunnier in this part of the park, and everywhere, people cavorted, the children in Noah's Sprayground, the skinny teenage girls clad in neon bikinis, the matrons in practical one-pieces. Even consumerism dwelt here, for there were inner tube rentals, and kiosks to buy ice cream and drinks. There was a little pizza restaurant and even a place to buy bathing suits, goggles and sunscreen.
In the large cement building with lockers an changing stalls, we found a table where actual employees were renting lockers. We rented a small one for eleven dollars, and went to put our stuff in it. But it wouldn't open. We stood there, trying to get it open, frustrated. Then it turned out we hadn't been given a special bracelet to open it! I felt so silly! The employees strapped the hot pink bracelet, similar to the type you wear in a hospital, around my skinny wrist. Then, I ran my wrist over some kind of digital strip on the locker, and the metal door popped open. I took out my bathing suit, shoved my backpack and towel in, and then we went to change into our suits.
My bathing suit is a one-piece, in the 'bathing dress' style, meaning it looks like a minidress as opposed to a suit. It's the kind of swimsuit chubby girls like me wear to hide our pudgy tummies and plump thighs, patterned in a motley of indigo, white, teal and iguana green prints and hues, with dapples of metallic copper thrown in. While it fits me fine in the hips, it's still too tight in the chest. No matter what suit I wear, it will always be too tight in the chest, because with an H cup, you'll always be too big for bathing suits unless you have them custom made. But if I maneuver my breasts just right, the suit fits just fine, and I still look halfway decent (though I'm sure some would say otherwise). Acacia changed into her red and white bathing suit top, but I didn't see her put on her bottoms, she still had her shorts on. At first I thought she had left them on out of modesty, but I later found out that she had dropped her scarlet bathing suit bottoms in the parking lot. Changed and ready, I shoved our clothes into the diminutive locker. There wasn't any room for Acacia's bag, so she stored her valuables in the locker and left her bag on top of the lockers. Then we headed outside into the hot sunshine.
We barely knew where to start, there were so many things to do. There were two slides I had never seen before, and rides that had been there for as long as I could remember. Most of the slides at the Great Escape, such as the Black Cobra, I have never been on. I've just never had the chance to ride them and I didn't ride them either this time. The lines were simply too long. I did ride the new slides, however. Next time I go, I vow to ride all the water slides, even if I end up spending all day in the water park.
We decided that the first water ride we'd go on would be the Mega Wedgie. It's a purple and turquoise water slide that sends riders spinning into a giant basin, before being dropped into a pool. It looked like fun, so we got in line.
Technically there are two lines; in the first line, you wait for an inner tube. The Mega Wedgie had a limited supply of figure eight shaped water tubes that can seat one or two riders. This line was at the bottom of the slide, by the pool, so that when someone finished the ride, they could pass off their inner tube to whoever was next in the inner tube line. Once you get your inner tube, you get in the second line, where you climb a set of stairs to the top of the water slide. It's all a neat little system. Of course, I imagine that by renting an inner tube, you could probably bypass this system all together.
Acacia and I waited for our inner tube patiently. It was much cooler in the water park, possibly a psychosomatic effect caused by the sight and sound of the water. Or it maybe it's not all in your head, maybe it really is just cooler being near the water, for scientific reasons that I probably learned in high school and promptly forgot. Pop music blasted from speakers situated about the park. We watched people jettison out of the bottom of the slide and hit the water with a splash, often accompanied with joyous screams. Now that I think about it, this water slide reminds me a lot of the digestive system. You enter the mouth of the slide, slid down an esophagus, into the stomach-like basin, down the intestine and out the bottom opening of the slide, into a pool. Actually, wouldn't that be a cool theme for a water ride? How about a human body themed amusement park in general?
Eventually it was our turn to receive an inner tube. I stepped into the pool, relishing the cool chlorinated water lapping at my ankles, to collect our tube from it's previous user. Now that I think about it, this too reminds me of The Dress Lodger, and Gustine in her pretty blue dress being passed from man to man like our inner tube. Maybe I need to put that book down.
We carried the pale blue figure-eight to the second line. Despite it's light weight, it was very awkward to carry because of it's size. But we managed to get it to the second line, and climb up the wooden steps.. Also, As we waited, we discussed Hetalia, and played with our inner tube by popping in and out of the holes in the middle. Acacia called it a donut, then we briefly discussed cartoons with the kids in front of us.
As we got closer to the mouth of the slide, we began to discuss who would sit where. Should I sit in the front? Or should Acacia? Acacia designated herself to the back seat, whereas I could take the front.
It was our turn at last; the lifeguard gave us instructions and we lay our inner tube in front of the slide. We asked the lifeguard to hold it for us while we settled into it, afraid the rushing water of the slide would carry our tube away, without us on it. So she kindly obliged, holding down our tube while we awkwardly settled into it. Cold water tickled my back and ass, the sound of the water filled my ears. I looked down the precipice of the slide, into the darkness below, the only light coming in was from the sun filtering through the seams of the slide. Then, Acacia and I pushed forward, and plunged down the throat of the Mega Wedgie...
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