The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

Brace yourselves, Halloween is coming. It's going to be a long wonderful month of scary movies on TV, Simpsons Halloween special reruns and Ghost Adventures marathons. The one time of year it's perfectly OK to be obsessed with weird, creepy things. The one month of the year where I'm not a freak.
Well actually, that's not true. Unlike most people, I take this holiday seriously. So seriously, that I overthink it, get too many expectations, and end up having an anxiety attack, thus ruining my night. I've had too many Halloweens end up like this.
Last year could have been better. It also could have been worse. Instead of trick or treating as I'd been doing for most of my life, my Sassy Gay Friend, Kenny and I decided to throw a Halloween party. It was going to be in the barn. We were going to decorate the barn's creepy old loft/attic and have our friends come over. There was going to be food, music and games. We planned on having some beer and Smirnoff Ice, but no hard liquor.
It didn't turn out like that. It snowed a day or two before the big night, prompting Kenny to move the party to his heated bedroom. Most of the people we invited canceled on us, and we decided against the booze, considering the fact that some of the guests were under 21.

I exhausted myself planning the party too. I'd already- wait, why am I telling you this? Do you even give a fuck? Honestly? I mean, who reads this blog? Oh, whatever, anyway...
On cabbage night, I did indeed exhaust myself. I dragged my pumpkin in from the freezing cold to thaw it, only to find that it had begun to decompose. Regardless, I carved it anyway, despite the overpowering stench of rot. Then after giving it a happy face, I covered it in fake blood.
I also spent a good chunk of my evening baking. I made two kinds of cupcake. First I made several batches of what I considered classic Halloween cakes, white cake mix dyed orange, with vanilla frosting dyed black. I used too much black dye however, and the runny mess ended up tasting like vanilla ink. I also made a few batches of 'Totally Hardcore Goth cakes'. Red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese frosting dyed purple. I decorated all the cupcakes with Halloween themed sprinkles.
Then, back aching, hands stained with fake blood and food coloring, I cleaned up and went to bed at 4 in the morning.

The next afternoon, I went to Kenny's house to help him set up the party, and get into my costume. Besides cupcakes and a jack o' lantern, I had the punch bowl and ingredients, more decorations and some party games. And on top of THAT, I had my costume pieces, and overnight gear.
Kenny's Aunt Jean had decorated the porch in high style, complete with a caged skeleton that screamed and shook. Kenny was not to be outdone, for he had decorated the stairs and his room with lights, cobwebs, caution tape and spiders. Everything looked good. The goodie table was laden with candy, Halloween themed jello wigglers, and more. I put the cupcakes on the table. As the evening progressed, I would make the punch.
After putting final touches on the decorations, Kenny and I got ready to put on our costumes. I was going as an evil fairy, he was going as a flapper.
I'm sure you don't give a shit, but first I did my hair. I put it up in a half bun, let curls run down my back. I sprinkled it all in gold glitter, then sprayed it down with hairspray. The makeup took some time. The eye makeup: eyeshadow primer, then a coat of glitter green liquid eyeshadow. I lined my eyes with black liquid liner, putting swirls and streaks down my cheeks. Then black glitter mascara (lot of fucking glitter here) And gold glitter eye creme on my brow bones. After five harrowing minutes, that part was done.I finished up by adding gold glitter to my cheeks, and then putting on black lipstick, followed by a coat of black lip gloss.
Then the dress, a black and green confection, made in stretch velvet, brocaded polyester, and fishnet. The wings, black, glittery, curling. Jewelry followed, and I was finished. It looked good. I felt good. I felt gorgeous. Kenny and I showed off to his aunt. She took pictures. Then she fed us dinner. She makes a kale and sausage soup that will send you into fits of rapture.

Our guests all seemed to be running late, so we helped Aunt Jean give out candy. It was fun. A lot of kids had very creative homemade costumes. One little girl bitched at Kenny for wearing a dress. It was chilly.
Our first guests arrived. Allison, dressed as a vampire. Then Arielle, wearing an upside down sign that said "I am Australian. This is my Costume". Ryan, wearing bloody scrubs.
The party could finally start.

We danced, we ate pizza. We played Apples to Apples. But the air was tense. Ryan and Arielle had broken up, and Arielle was ready to move on, while Ryan wasn't. Things turned miserable after an awkward game of Never Have I Ever. Allison bailed on us, needing to get home in time for curfew. I did a few tarot readings, we played with glowsticks.
The night was over before it really started. The party was a bust. The fighting was part of it, the lack of guests was another.

After Arielle and Ryan both went home, Kenny and I settled in to watch some horror movies. We watched Pet Sematary and Sleepy Hollow. Then we feel asleep.

I don't want Halloween to be a disaster again. I don't want another Halloween filled with awkwardness and tension, the fun fizzling out quickly. No fights. No hurt feelings. That's not what Halloween's about. Halloween is supposed to be about celebrating the veil between worlds, it's about food, drink and costumes. It's about magic, and feeling scared. It's the best day of the year, better than Christmas.
This year, I'm going to relax. I'm going to do what I love, with people close to the shiny red organ I call a heart. I won't promise myself that this year will be fun or perfect. If I do that, then I set myself up with expectations, which will only lead to disappointment. It'll be what it'll be. I'm gonna dress up, get free candy, have some vodka. How that will turn out, is up to fate.